I am not a personification of my social media feed.

Let's talk social media, specifically Facebook and Instagram because they are the only two I can seem to keep my arms around. I confess, for a very long time I had a love-hate relationship with social media feeds. I was torn between wanting to share and also with feeling that posts had more to do with ego than actual sharing.

I finally realized that my feelings were spawned by others' views of media feeds. There seems to be two MAIN camps: those that poke holes at all positivity posts and those that feel some entire feeds are made up of negativity. There is a small segment of us in the middle - in the gray, if you will - that just enjoy viewing everyone's pictures of their families and pets and vacations, and tend to just overlook the more negative posts or the folks who are forever sick or being hurt or feel ignored by others.

While I hope people are "following" us - meaning the B&B - I can honestly say I have no idea how many followers we have on Insta OR Facebook. On the other hand, I spend several hours of research a week on how to use social media to promote our business. The reality is that social media is THE way to advertise today...and it's FREE!! We'd be nuts to NOT utilize this resource that will only continue to change and deepen and grow as the years go by.

Some days, I feel like the more I learn, the more I don't know. I finally switched my personal Insta to primarily business; meaning, I changed it from MY personal name to Wildernest Bed & Breakfast. Yes, I'll still post pics of the grands, the doggies, the food...but those things are WHO we are, so it makes sense to me that our potential guests would like to see what we view as important.

We spend ENORMOUS amounts of hours on our front porch, so front porch pics are important to me. Pictures of our cabins, the food we serve, and views of the property are paramount to - not only promoting our business - but also giving small glimpses into who we are as business owners. We're family people, first and foremost, so there will always, always, ALWAYS be crazy amounts of pictures and stories of our grands, our kiddos, and our pets.

The one area that I question the most is: am I being real? Authentic?

Because THIS I can promise you. For every delicious food picture I post, there are at least THREE that are HORRIBLE! My sweet husband is very vocal and descriptive during our meals together. When it's good, there is NO doubt. His vocabulary and adjectives (some appropriate and some not so much:) leave no doubt that it's a dish worth repeating. But when he is silent; eating but with no commentary, I know it's bad. Very, very bad, usually! Ha!

For every "positivity" post, I promise I could post three things that AREN'T going well in life. Sometimes I think our family could have their own reality show. We have SO. MUCH. GOING. ON. right now! Most good, but some sad, some scary, some uncertain...So, sure, I make the decision each and every day what I want to share with others. The truth is that I WANT to be a voice of positivity. I WANT to point others to what gets me through: JESUS.

At the same time, even though I don't post about it on a regular basis, we have our own set of difficulties that we deal with on the daily. We've given up a regular, dependable salary to take a chance on "us" and this dream of a B&B. We celebrate with our kids who have kids and who are expecting another! (Hopefully we'll have a gender reveal later this week!!!) We also have kids who are going through infertility treatments, including surgery, medications, injections...We celebrate and we console, and many times both on the same day. We have parents with new medical issues, and our place in the "sandwich" of the family is that of the meat that holds both ends together. That's just where we are.

I could post all this, and I would never, ever discourage others from posting whatever they like. For me, I encourage myself with prayer, positivity quotes, and focusing on the good things in life. This naturally segues into my social media posts. It does as much, if not MORE, good for me than it could ever do for others.

Maybe most importantly of all is the growing of our family business - the B&B. We want that to be "the face" of our social media posts. We share certain pictures of family, pets, the grounds, the cabins, etc. because we want our potential guests to have a sense of who we are and what we value. We are two normal people: a couple who are deeply in forever love, who have grown children who are growing their own families, who have parents who are facing new challenges in life, who have meals that flop, ideas that fail, who laugh, cry, hurt, and rejoice.

We are normal.

We are not the personification of our social media feed.

The Boho House

The Boho House has been a popular rental here lately. It's easy for ME to see why...after all, it is my Happy Place! Fun, flirty, and all things girly, this one-story log cabin welcomes, inspires, and encourages one to kick off their shoes and stay a while.

Formerly known as The Bunkhouse before its "makeover," this gem served as both my office and our brick and mortar boutique last summer before I ultimately decided to close out the retail and concentrate on what we do best...the B&B.

At the time, Ali and Peyton were both still working for me and - together - we were all "feeling" the Boho vibe. It's more than just a look; it's a message. Everyone woman and girl is beautiful. Be yourself. BeYOUtiful! We had such fun finding great deals at dollar stores on inspirational signs, pillows, and wall decor that so perfectly conveyed our message. Ali spent hours painting  - a bookshelf, a dresser, and wooden crates. Together, these sisters brought my vision to life.

In the Boho house, I can do all kinds of things that I can't in my own home. Or - I won't anyway! We mixed color in the most fun ways - bright yellows, corals, blues and greens. I spent hours deciding on bedding and even now - a year later - I am literally OBSESSED with my decision. The truth is this adorable cabin is STILL my hideaway when it is not rented. Sometimes I stop in just to sink into a comfy chair, kick off my shoes, and enjoy the quiet and the beauty of the space.

It's a joyful place. There is simply no way one can spend time here and leave feeling anything other than happy and at peace!

We're so happy to have recently updated our B&B website to take online reservations and payments! If you are interested in The Boho - whether it be for a personal retreat just for yourself, a girls night in, a full-blown girls' weekend, or a slumber party for your daughter, please give us a call or check out wildernestbedandbreakfast.com.

I can't wait to share this special space with you!

photo creds: Nichelle Martin

To the Class of 2019

There are always students who make a year in the classroom memorable. But every once in a while you are privileged enough to have an entire class (okay, maybe minus a few:) that is truly remarkable. Those years are your golden ones, and make up for the long and endless ones! This class - the graduating Pewitt 2019 seniors are THAT class for me.

When you work for a small district, very often you have the opportunity to teach all kiddos in a grade level. I first taught these seniors when they were sophomores in my English classes. I taught every single sophomore, and what an amazing year it was! This post is dedicated to them. Never in my teaching career have I laughed more, cried more (for happy:) or grew more as an educator. The teacher got taught - in all the best possible ways.

I quickly realized this class was unique. They didn't really feel the normal pressure to "fit in" or to be just like their friends. Instead, they were (and still are) a group of individuals that support one another but set their own sail, confident in charting their own path. If you teach, you know this is rare, particularly in 10th graders.

This is the class that stretched me, challenged me, and inspired me. It was the year all of the hashtags began to impact us. (More on #hashtags in future post.) It was the year I put away my own agenda and began to teach in a brand new way. The outward manifestation of this was flexible seating, Socratic Circles, and student-led lessons. The inward though is where the real manifested change occurred. It was the year I discovered that some of these 15 and 16 year olds possessed more self-confidence than I did as an adult. Whereas I held very definite opinions, I was much more likely to keep them close to my chest rather than be judged or critiqued. These kids were fearless, but in a completely respectful, mannerly - humorous -  way.

My 2nd period Honors English class is where the bulk of my metamorphosis as a teacher began. I vividly remember the day I sat on my stool behind my podium, totally ready to lead a discussion over a section of Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children that they had been reading independently. I threw out the first couple of questions and when the answers began to flow, I realized this was a group of free-thinkers. I decided to press to see how far they were willing to go. #thinkoutsidethebox was born, and from that day on, this class made themselves vulnerable, sharing even when the topics became personal, not ashamed or embarrassed of the tears that sometimes were shed. I had always loved sharing novels with students, peeling back the many layers of symbolism like an onion, but this particular group of students carried us to another level, and found ways to connect the text to the real world in ways I had not even thought of.

It was the "Year of the Projects," where Bailey made a doll (Pretty Portman) who became our class mascot early on. Armed with her own Instagram page, Pretty took turns traveling with the students, even making an appearance at an UIL competition. Another time, Hannah created a beautiful bouquet of silk flowers, with a single black rose included to tie into the symbolism of the story. I've had that bouquet on each of my desks since then, and will take it home where it will continue to sit on my home office desk. I look at it often and am reminded of that special year.

It was also a year of mischievousness and procrastination gone good:) By that I mean David and Madison. David was (and continues to be) the consummate class clown. More than once, he had me convinced that he'd not done his assigned project, going so far one time to create a title page and one slide in a PowerPoint presentation, only to have the 3rd slide say, "THE END." I remember glancing up from the rubric, chewing on the end of my pen, studying him, trying like mad to determine if this was yet another practical joke. It always was. And EVERY presentation was first-rate, top-notch, off the chart, presentation!

Madison was my procrastinator - especially when it came to essays. A self-proclaimed struggling writer, Madison was (and is) actually an amazing writer. She has a unique way of stringing words, combining thoughts, facts, and analogies in a way that make her papers a fascinating read from the first word all the way to the last one. That is, once they WERE. TURNED. IN! :) Often frustrated by the tardiness of her essays, I would TRY MY HARDEST to find something - anything - wrong with it. I never could. Madison is just one of those who gets work done. Even if it's at the very last possible second. What can you say to a system that works for her?!?

This was the year that I really got to know Chelsy, Shelby, Bradley, Ethan, Leslie, Sydney, and Presley. I learned about Chelsy's obsession with all things Harry Potter and Percy Jackson, and Leslie's with Canelo Alvarez:) I learned that Ethan had THE BEST sopapilla cheesecake recipe, that Syd was creative and artistic, and that Presley was quiet but hysterically funny.

It was the year of the "Cultural Quilt" and the cultural presentations, where we explored our backgrounds, upbringings, the case of nature vs nurture. Once each student completed their square, complete with things that were unique to them as well as things they knew to be true, we put them all together to form our class quilt. We proudly hung it on the wall of our classroom and there it stayed until I - very reluctantly - took it down the very last day of that school year. We wrote the very revealing essay: "This I Believe," and then began our presentations. It was during these presentations that CeCe blew me away with a whole demonstration of cultural hair by bringing in a doll shoulder/head with an elaborate 'do to represent her combined heritage, and that David demonstrated his by sharing a heavy, iron tortilla maker that had been passed down through several generations in his family.

We "circled up" often, and eagerly, because we had learned that 2nd period was a time of excitement, sharing, and learning to feel safe within our circle. We read so much, discussed even more, and wrote more than any of them probably wanted to. Yet they were always seeking to up the bar on their written word, and the results were awe-inspiring and life-changing.

At least they were for me.

Here it is, two years later, and - as they prepare to graduate in a few days and take a last walk across the auditorium stage - this teacher is all caught up in the memories of that year they were sophomores.

So...

To you - I say "thank you." Thank you for allowing me to share that time with you. Thank you for trusting me with your thoughts, your ideas, and your hopes and dreams for the future. Now, that future is right here, and I have so, so, SO much confidence in the paths each of you will choose. No pathway is easy or free of thorns or roadblocks or bumps in the road, but always remember that there is joy in the journey, and beauty all along the road to where you want to be.

Smile often. Dream big. Love hard. Be kind always.

Class of 2019 - I love you, and I will always be here, quietly cheering you on!

The Farmhouse Movement.

It seems that, for the past several years, there's been a movement back "to the farmhouse." I was first pulled in by the phenomenon that was "Fixer Upper," where JoJo & Chip Gaines flipped homes and turned ALL kinds of homes into a modern day farmhouse - whether or not the house was founded on literal farmland. 

The movement, though, is about something so much bigger than an actual house. Or the layout and decor of it. It's much more about the concepts, beauty, simplicity, and personality of a well-loved place from days long gone by. Something held snugly in between tales of times gone by and the expectations of all the future offers. A spot that is less about the farm, and more about the house. 

For a lot of us - me included - it's a "back-to-our-roots" movement where families simultaneously move toward more sustainable options and sustainable, healthy connections to one another. Whether we reside in urban city blocks, suburban neighborhoods, or wide open spaces we like to call "the country," we are more mindful of who we love and how we are choosing to live this one life we've been given. We love and lead more intentionally. We prioritize according to what is best for those we love most, instead of what is most "urgent." 

Toward the end of 2018, I realized I'd spent the better part of the year living my life according to the urgent, and not necessarily what (or rather who) is most important. Our family - children, grands, my parents, and friends. I was spending the least amount of time with the ones I love the most. This wasn't intentional...which is my point, I guess. 

I wasn't living intentionally.

I was catering to the to-do lists and the busyness of this season of life. Instead of savoring each morsel of this extraordinary life, I was prisoner to schedules and the clock and the calendar. It wasn't that these things and activities weren't important; they were and ARE. My issue lay with how I organized my time and my abilities. It had to do with taking better control of my schedule and learned to say "no" to the things that weren't necessary, and yet robbed me of time with my loves. 

There weren't any New Year's resolutions for me this year, but there was an intentional pivot. I chose PRESENT as my word of the year. Not as in gift, but as in being present. In the moment. Aware. Present for the important events. The important occasions. The important people. 

I'm trying to stay the course, and stay true to this pivot. Be at all the grands' special events. Cultivate an even deeper relationship with each of our kids. Communicate more. Laugh often. Call friends. Celebrate the everyday as well as the big stuff. 

It's a matter of coming full-circle. Living an authentic lifestyle, where family values come first, ingredients are pure and simple; where we not only know our neighbors, but call them friends, and where spending our time well trumps to-do lists. 

I appreciate the ability to work hard and run a business. I'm proud of my career as a teacher. I'm beyond thankful that I've been blessed to do both over the past several years, and that the business, which is my passion, is doing so well, and that teaching - which is my calling - still fulfills me. Even though it's time to choose - and, of course, I've chosen the B&B, I know that teaching and my students will always be a part of who and what I am. I appreciate all of this...the figurative move toward the simple things.

I also cherish the move toward the literal simple things: mason jars, shiplap, big front porches, open windows, and a good quilt on the bed. I love homemaking and decorating, finding ways to make our home reflect the things we care most about. I love beautiful sunrises and gorgeous sunsets, and love them most from my own front porch. 

I like this farmhouse movement.

This is a movement toward happier homes and healthier families, both literally and figuratively. 

Finish line in sight, y'all. But I'm walking it, not racing.

This is Wednesday of Spring Break. I almost typed Tuesday, because - truly - I'm not keeping track other than to make sure I keep up with the B&B reservations. For everything else, we're on teacher on SB time.

That means, if an activity requires normal clothes, chances are good you might not do it.

It means, no ALARMS. Okay, that's not true for me because...duh...guests still expect a delicious, hot breakfast at 9am, but my 5:15 alarm has been replaced with a 7:45 one. That means an extra TWO AND A HALF HOURS, y'all!!

As much as I am relishing SB 2K19, it hasn't escaped me that this will be my last one. This time next year, it will just be another work week. No more of that escalating excitement as The Day We Get Out draws closer and closer. But also no more of the hyper students, silly drama, and rotten attitudes that increase as That Day approaches.

And yet...I know I will miss a lot of aspects of classroom teaching. (I specify "classroom," because - if you've been reading here long at all - you know that I believe a teacher will always be a teacher.)

Haters gonna hate, and teachers gonna teach.

As this final school year begins to wrap up for me I am finding that I wax nostalgic one moment, only to be quickly followed sheer laughter at some of the memories that flood my mind these days. I've always been fortunate to teach with amazing teachers, but it wasn't until my 3rd year of teaching that I became a part of a TRUE team. One who laughs together, gripes together, and occasionally cry together. 

Then I began my 4th year of teaching and met my fellow teacher spirit animal - Amy. Over the next three years, we became as ONE when it came to the classroom. There was 100% trust and honesty between us, and we LOVED collaborating over vertically aligned lesson plans, crying over essays that quite literally rent our hearts in two, and laughing hysterically when our bodies crossed over that "you're too tired" line and we found ourselves having to remove ourselves from our own classroom and take refuge in the other's - just to collect ourselves. It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship, and the friendship is STILL growing, even though we haven't taught together for a few years now.

When I changed districts a couple of years ago, the thing I feared the most was that I would lose the close camaraderie that I by now so desperately needed. I shouldn't have feared. For it was here that I met Haylie and Betsy and Telly. 

The Grammar Gals. 

I'm fairly certain we drove a certain segment of the school nutty with our crazy ways, inside jokes, and fierce loyalty. But we were a team, and a formidable one at that! I love these ladies more than life and - even though I taught there just a year before coming back to my hometown school - it was the Single. Best. Teaching. Experience OF MY LIFE!!!

I've found myself reflecting on so many classroom experiences these past few weeks. Tajawin Smith has been on my mind. My very first year of teaching and - already skittish, insecure, and nervous, his presence in my 5th period class was a source of total and complete misery for a good 6 weeks. 

Six weeks where I would barely escape the door of the school and scramble into my car before the floodgate of tears spilled over. I would then drive through the tears and wait for my brother's phone call, which almost always came about the same time each afternoon on that drive. He would "talk me down," remind me that my value was not based on what students thought of me, and that I was on my way home to those who loved me. 

I can laugh at this now, and do...but I also smile each and every time I hear Tajawin's name or glimpse his graduation announcement (both his high school AND his college one) on the bulletin board in my current classroom. Ty (as I called him) forged what would become one of the strongest and most trust-worthy teacher-student relationships of my career. Day after day after day, I would see him in the hallway and call out, "Hey, Ty! How're you doing?" I did this many days when I in no way whatsoever felt it. 

The magic of teaching is this, though. All students want, and all we teachers want, is respect. Once you have that as a foundation, all other things positive can take root and grow. Kids aren't interested in what you know until they know you care. So much truth in this! 

A couple of years after I left the district where I taught Ty, I received a letter at my present school - from...you guessed it! He acknowledged the rocky start we had, but then referenced how he looked forward to walking past my doorway every day when I would call out his name and see how he was doing. The glory was I came to love Ty fiercely and I've rejoiced over every accomplishment he has made. THAT is why we teach, to all the folks out there who just don't get it.

I have so many students I could write about. I'm still in contact with so, so many. No matter where I run into them or see them, or no matter when and how they reach out to me, it does something magical to my heart to hear their voice, share their struggles and their victories, and get to know them as the great adults they grew into. 

But, for now, I'm just going to wrap up with a bit of reality:

The day of a teacher most days goes something like this: It's almost two pm; you had a meeting during your conference period that you forgot about, so ran into late and out of breath. You've already helped a student through a bloody nose and another one through a panic attack. Your 20 minute lunch turned out to be a non-lunch because a lone student shows up and wants to talk about his or her grade. You REALLY have no patience for this, but it's not in you to ask them not to bother you during those precious twenty minutes. In your first after-lunch class, you slip a package of cheese crackers to a student who is hungry because they had no lunch, and no money to buy it. You listen patiently to a loooooong story another tells because it's obvious school is their safe place, and they place they know their stories have a home. It's 2 pm when you see your principal about to walk into your classroom and realize you never did finish writing your "We will, I will" statements on the whiteboard...primarily because your last whiteboard marker ran dry and you never did find the time to hunt down another. Your principal sees kids talking, working on different things and you worry that it looks like one hot mess. 

You may be the only one (besides the students, that is) that knows it's anything BUT a hot mess. It's a learning classroom, an environment where students not only thrive, but flourish. They are safe, they are heard, they are fed, and they are getting the "we will" and the "I will" done. Mainly because they listen to you. They respect you.

Because you know their name. You use their name, and often. You give side hugs and big smiles. When you feel it and especially when you don't. 

It's a teacher's life.

And I will miss it.

Truly, Madly, Deeply

I've been thinking about love relationships a lot lately. A lot of the reason why, I'm sure, is because of my own love. My marriage to my guy. I think about what our love looked like back in the beginning, the way it looked in the middle of raising teenagers, how it looked as we embraced an empty nest, and - especially - the way it looks today.

In every stage we've loved. Truly. Madly. Deeply. Around the time we married the band Savage Garden came out with the song by this name. For a long while, it was our song; so reflective of the acknowledgment of both our pasts, and appreciation of having found one another. I looked the original music video up a few days ago and let my mind review the past twenty years.

Truly, Madly, Deeply

As a teacher of high school, sometimes I am so saddened by what this age bracket views as 'love.' I guess when I was their age my friends and I weren't much different. Love is beautiful in all its stages: the wildly exhilarating beginning, the team-building middle years, the ups and downs, highs and lows, the sick times and the healthy ones.

Love, though, isn't always about romance. And it's not confined to intimate relationships.

We all receive and give love in so many different ways to so many different people in our lives. And I think we can all agree we all need love. It's absolutely necessary to having a happy life. We need our significant other, yes, but we also need friends. Family. Our kiddos. Our grands. I certainly would never call myself an expert on love, but being one half of a healthy, flourishing marriage has helped me to realize a few major point over the years. 

First, you have to love yourself.

We all come from different backgrounds. Some of us grew up in a loving and encouraging family, and some of us didn't. We've probably all had some kind of relationship in our lives that has left us feeling hurt. You can't control your outside circumstances. I wish we could. What you can control is your own choices. It can be hard to love when you feel broken. If you don't come to any relationship (romantic, friendship, family) whole, you end up (1) asking others to fill in the broken pieces or (2) shutting them out completely. You first have to love yourself. Someone very wise once pointed out to me that God instructs us to "love others as ourselves." Way too often, if we're honest, we'd love others in a totally lousy way if we truly abided by this scripture. And yet, it's what we should do. Then, and only then, can any of us offer relationships our strengths rather than looking to them to fix our weaknesses. We all have the power to make this decision no matter what hand life has dealt us.

Be someone you would love.

It is always easier to blame others. Always. Always, always, always - no matter your age or your stature in life. What's hard is looking inward to ourselves and realizing that maybe it's us who needs to change. Before you have amazing relationships you have to be someone you would love. Be the mother you would want. Be the friend you want. Be the spouse you want. This is a lifelong process the important people in your life will help you with if you are open to it. Stop focusing on others' shortcomings so much and instead work on yourself.

 Love deeply.

Don't hold back. Don't hold grudges. Go all in. We've probably all been hurt before, and I'm not saying we should ignore those situations. We need to learn from the unhealthy ones and seek to avoid repeat mistakes. But. Don't let past hurts prevent you from making new relationships or falling in love. This almost happened to me. I was hurt and felt justified in my unwillingness to forgive even though my circumstances had changed. And this attitude nearly prevented me from being ready for my future husband...my now husband. My partner, my love, my guy. Don't be afraid to love deeply.  Be open. Be brave.

4. Choose your important relationships.

I truly believe that we should love everyone. An attitude of love to your fellow citizens is a great way to live your life. Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone did this? However, this does not mean that you should open yourself up to being hurt over and over again. Choose the people who you cultivate important relationships with. If someone has continually been a negative influence in your life, or doesn't treat you the way you deserve, then they should not receive the privilege of being one of your close relationships. Focus on the positive influences in your life. Love them deeply (see point 3).You don't need to be anyone's second choice.

5. Love is work.

Every important relationship in your life requires attention in order for it to grow. I am so guilty of being that friend who doesn't call back. It is SO easy to get busy with your life, with work or school or whatever you are passionate about and not focus on cultivating the love in your life. I should get dinner with my parents more often. I should get coffee with friends more. I should plan more dates away from the B&B with Mike. If you neglect any relationship it will decline over time. I've had many friends over the years that I've sort of drifted apart from simply because I didn't make time for them. Being a giving and loving person takes a lot of intentional effort. And that's something that I'm working on this year.

But good people are worth the time. All the time. Every time. 

Savor: My Next 90 Days

Anyone who knows me well at all, knows I love a good planner/calendar! So much so that I may go a tad bit overboard. I currently carry THREE around with me on the daily!

There is a method to my madness though, I promise! The first is our business planner, which I use solely for just that...business. It contains all the reservations for each of the cabins, as well as the venue, plus it holds contact info for all of our brides and their important people. Updated financials are catalogued there on a monthly basis just so I can quickly flip to it at a moment's notice. Yes, this is all on our computer and much of it in our phones, but - call me stuck in yesteryear - I can't help the love I have for hard copy! I've used the same design for the past three years, and have purchased them all from an online boutique through Jane, called So Kali. I'm not posting a picture of it here right now because I'm being just too lazy to snap the pic and upload, but if you're like me and love a great planner plus a little personalization on the front cover, this one's for you! The planners aren't generally listed for sale until around Fall, but she has bill trackers, prayer journals, and much more! Definitely worth a look around! Then bookmark her for your next year's planner!

The planner that stays in my purse full-time is my personal one, and also one that contains all of my classroom and lesson plans. I used to do a full-on teacher planner, but finally gave that one up this year and - instead - consolidated it with my smaller, personal one. It's a good one, though, by Agenda 52! I'm pretty sure I picked this one up at Hobby Lobby, and it was either insanely on sale or I used my 40% off coupon! I'm obsessed with this one because you can customize the inserts; that's really the only reason it works so well for my lesson plans, and also for meal planning and shopping lists, too! LOVE it.

 
I so did NOT intend for this to be a full post dedicated to my planner/calendar addiction; I meant to gush on and on about my newest one only - the My Next 90 Days by Savor Life. It helps to organize your life 90 days at a time, and truly, TRULY promotes a more intentional way of approaching your busy days. Of course, it helps tons that it's full of inspirational quotes and has very deliberate 4-pillar  method: your 'savor life' list which helps keep you focused on what's most important, a 90 day vision, a weekly and daily ritual list, and - finally - a place to organize what they call your "gorgeous chaos." It takes the "nourish to flourish" approach and has room for literally everything you need to remind you to stop, think, rest, drink your water, plan your day intentionally, get in your prayer time, and you simply do it 90 days at a time!

Everytime I glimpse it on my desk, or laying open on the coffee table, or on a stack of books where I'm working in my home office, I smile. Every. Single. Time.

The reason?

At the end of THIS 90 days, I will be walking out of my role as a classroom teacher and into my new one as FULL-TIME B&B owner/operator!!! My heart, of course, is alllll over the place. I'm going to miss SO much about the teaching life, primarily my students, awesome coworkers, and - yes - a dependable monthly income! But if I've ever in my life known something for certain, it's that this is the right time, the right decision. I am ready.

What I don't want the next few months to be is a race to the finish. I want so badly to finish the school year out at the top of my game, which isn't always an easy task when my time, energy, and attention is pulled in such opposite directions. I want to live each day intentionally, knowing that there is purpose and pleasure in each and every one of them. And hard work. Always more hard work, right? Every morning, I glance at the list for the day, where I begin with what is Number One for every day: prayer first. This is the time of day that settles me, and helps me prepare in a calm and logical manner whatever the next 15 hours might hold.

So...this super long post in essence is really all about the last two paragraphs only.

In 90 days my life will once again change. I'll go through yet another "transplantation." My daily prayer is that each and every day lived between this one and that last one will be chock full of only the important, the essentials that fuel my spirit, nourish my body, and keep me in a place where I can be my best for my husband, our family, my role as a teacher and tender of young hearts, and my responsibilities in our business.

#ThisCouldGetWilder

Our Wedding Day

Mike and I have often joke that we're not real sure just how we ended up married; he never "asked," therefore I never said "yes" - and yet here we are...an old married couple now of almost twenty years.

We were never your ordinary couple, if there is even such a thing. With a substantial age difference between us, and me a young, single mom of two tween boys and he with a daughter in college, neither of us really expected to end up married.

(Mainly because he told me he would never marry again:)

Yet in spite of all the obvious obstacles and definitely in spite of our naysayers, there was an undeniable meeting of two hearts that needed one another. He traveled a lot for work and I was busy with a full-time job as well as mothering full-time, and we didn't see a whole lot of one another. In fact, we probably date more now than we ever did during our courtship.

But we wrote letters. So. Many. Letters. We still have them - hundreds - tucked away in a private spot. Every so often one of us will pull them out and we'll sit in our bed and take turns choosing one at random and read it out loud to the other. That was our courtship; through words spoken from the heart we came to know the true essence of the other. There was no holding back. Again, we didn't expect to marry; instead, we thought we had found a safe place to pour out our hurts from the past, our dreams for the future, our hopes for our respective children, and - yes - what we were going to do about this growing need we each felt to be with the other.

I'll not go into how we got from there to our wedding day; it's sacred and completely, totally a God-thing. But I still stand by the fact that there was no proposal; there was nothing uber romantic about how we arrived to our special day. However, the road there - and since - has been paved with more romance than some experience in their entire life.

I've never given any thought whatsoever to renewing our vows. Yet, as we draw closer to our 20th anniversary, we've talked a bit about it. Not because we feel the need to recite vows or declare our love and commitment; we both know more than ever that our love was destined. We are meant to BE.

But the road from being a "blended" family to a FAMILY has been one that's not always been easy. The easy part is falling in love, caring for each other's kids enough to open your heart and life to them, and seeing it all play out perfectly in your mind.

The harsher reality is that you're dealing with sensitive little hearts that don't fully understand what is happening and you're trying to find words to explain to your almost grown daughter why - after all this time - you've decided to not only marry, but to take on the care and raising of two young boys.

Again, I'll save all of our experiences and the ups and downs and ins and outs of our journey to unity for the five of us. What is the most important thing is that no one gave up; we allowed everyone to move at their own pace. The boys received a bonus dad that they lovingly refer to as Pops now; I received not what I would call a step-daughter - though that is what she is - but one of my closest and best friends.

This all took time, but time took care of all of our hearts.

Somewhere along the way, we melded and became one big, happy family. Then the boys were grown and marrying, and we then had three amazing children-in-law, as well as three phenomenal children. Now we have three grands that light our world in ways we never knew was possible.

What deserves to be celebrated and rejoiced over is that. Our kids. Our grands. Our family.

Two weeks ago, we were driving down the road and suddenly Mike pulls over to the side and puts the truck in park. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a ring, takes my hand with his free one, looks me straight in the eye and says,

"Mrs. Wilder, would you do me the honor of marrying me again?"

He asked, y'all!

I said YES.

Next December, when we have our family all together to celebrate Christmas, we'll stand with our kids and grands and renew our vows. Not just to each other, but to all nine of them. If they wish (and I hope they do!) we want them to say what they would like. If the grands want to speak, we welcome it! (We feel quite certain that 5 year old George will have something entertaining to offer up:)

Back then - on our wedding day - we became a family in name, but these days, we are a family in heart.

Watching our grown children interact with each other, share in big group text conversations, laugh and joke together is the single most favorite sight and sound we love the most in this whole entire world. All 11 of us aren't together too often due to living in various parts of Texas; but when we are, it's heaven on earth for Pops and I.

I love who we are together, not just Mike and I, but all eleven of us. I treasure the road that led us here, I embrace the moments that were difficult, and often rocky or even scary. Each experience, each year, each milestone built our family's foundation.

And it's a firm one.

One that will stand the test of time.

So in December we will renew our vows, and we'll look into one another's eyes, but then we'll turn and look at our kids and grands that stand there with us and - more than anything - we'll just give thanks for the blessing that came with an unexpected love, an anything-but-ordinary courtship, and the five hearts that blended together in love.

REVIEW: Girl, Wash Your Face

"Stop believing the lies about who you are so you can become who you were meant to be." - Rachel Hollis

I didn't purchase this book for me; it was never intended to be one of my reads for 52 Books in 52 Weeks.

I bought it to send to someone else. But - before I could put it in the mail - this same girl commented on a FB post how - on page 39 of the book she was currently reading - the words seemed to leap from the page and let her know it was time to take a leap of faith and go for what she wanted instead of trying to spend more valuable time trying to live up to what she felt others "expected" of her.

I immediately recognized the quote and realized she was already reading what had been laid on my heart for her. Confirmation.

So I added it to my bedside table stack, not really sure if I would ever pick it up. I think in my mind I pictured it to be more for the younger set. For whatever reason, I picked it up at one point and began to skim through.

Y'all.

It was SO good that I had to go back and start from Page 1. I have followed the author, Rachel Hollis, on Insta for a while, so I already knew her "voice" and was well aware of the wisdom of many of her tenants. This book, however, breaks it down into bite-size chunks that are truly life changing - if you are ready to change.

On the very first page of the Introduction, she pretty much sums up the book in one sentence. I could have stopped here and walked away with enough inspiration and excitement to go after the big dreams.

"You, and only you, are ultimately responsible for who you become and how happy you are."

With chapter titles such as: The Lie: Something Else Will Make Me Happy, The Lie: I Need to Make Myself Smaller, and The Lie: I'm a Terrible Writer - this book has challenged me in so many levels. In this year, where my "word" is PRESENT, and my decision to take a few new leaps of faith - stepping out and trusting that I will either fly or He will catch me, I am now convinced it was me - and not just my friend - that needed many of the words in this gem of a book. 

As women, life these days feels a whole lot like a marathon - and it feels a lot like we are out of shape and not at all prepared for the race. Whether time has truly sped up or not is debatable, but it definitely feels like we run faster and faster and accomplish less and less. Time is flying by.

I think about this all the time. Why didn't I take better care of my skin 20 or 30 years ago? Why didn't I lose all that baby weight 30 years ago when I was through having babies? Why didn't I begin my career - my passion career - much sooner, instead of in mid-life? Why couldn't I have had more wisdom, more confidence, more determination as a younger woman? 

Truth: All the steps, decisions, mistakes, victories throughout all of my years on this Earth have led me HERE. And I am really liking HERE. Not only does it not do any good to ask all of the what ifs, but it is directly counter-productive of what I am meant to do right now - in the NOW. Right HERE. Each of my scars, each of my heartbreaks, each of my losses have grown me as a woman. Each love I have had, each success - whether big or small - and each of my baby steps have led me to this season of life.

A season that I am very excited about. I am blessed, for sure.

So I'm going to wash my face, put all self-doubt behind me, and wrap my arms around my dreams, and my heart around my faith.

It's time to be what He intends for me to be in Him. His plans are so much larger and greater than my own. He believes in me; no, He KNOWS what I am about to tackle and accomplish. All I have to do is step out and trust, knowing that He has ordered my every step and already gone before me.

REVIEW: Chase the Lion

"If your dream doesn't scare you, it's too small!" - Mark Batterson

When I signed on to accept the 52 Books in 52 Weeks Challenge, I put out a FB request, wanting to know what books others would  recommend. I was astounded at the number of really great suggestions that came flooding in, and I've already lapped up several of the titles like a dry sponge craving water!

Chasing the Lion was recommended to me by my dear friend, Jennifer. I immediately ordered it from Amazon and pretty much inhaled it in great gulps right after it arrived.

It's an easy read, but SO chock full of tidbits of wisdom and goodness, that I find I go back and reread passages again and again.

The book opens with "The Lion Chaser's Manifesto," and I return to the lines in this passage again and again:

Quit living as if the purpose of life

is to arrive safely at death.

Run to the roar,

Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-given passions.

Go after a dream that is destined to fail

without divine intervention.

Stop pointing out problems. Become part of the solution.

Stop repeating the past. Start creating the future.

Face your fears. Fight for your dreams.

Grab opportunity by the mane and don't let go!

Live like today is the first day and last day of your life.

Burn sinful bridges. Blaze new trails.

Live for the applause of nail-scarred hands.

Don't let what's wrong with you

keep you from worshipping what's right with God. 

Dare to fail. Dare to be different.

Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away.

Chase the lion.  (Batterson)

If you are harboring dreams that you feel are God-given, but that you've kept under protective care - for whatever - reason: fear of rejection, fear of failure, it seems much too pie-in-the-sky...whatever the reason, this book challenges you to - instead - listen to the dream God has placed inside of you and then step out in faith.

It has been so timely for me to read this, in these first few weeks of the new year, because these have been my very thoughts. How do I move beyond what I feel I'm called to do, and MAKE IT HAPPEN? 

Now I know the answer is this: stay focused, don't give up, walk through open doors, say "no" to the non-urgent and allllll the YES's to things attached to your God-size dream. Take it one day at a time. One step at a time. 

Trust.

Work hard.

Pray even harder.

Live your life honestly and authentically, taking care FIRST of the hearts who've been entrusted to your care. Love them, care for them, uplift them...be present for them. By saying "no" to the unnecessary, you have more time for chasing the lion - your God-given dream.

So here I am...putting on my best running shoes, piling my hair into a messy bun, putting on my game face...going after MY LION in 2019!!!

Newest love of mine!

If you've been following the blog for the past few weeks, you'll already know that I've been looking at what is best for the future of The Bohotique @Wildernest. My year of keeping clothing, household goods, caps, bridal accessories, tshirts, etc., in inventory turned out to be a bit much for us.

YET:) I feel pretty strongly about keeping it going at some level because of all of the positive love we've received from our customers and guests here at The B&B. The challenge has been to look honestly at what does well in our little niche boutique and then concentrate just on that.

We've decided to streamline in 3 areas: Bridal accessories, which will be available both on site and online, NDULGE - which I am merely an influencer for - and THIS...Cleerely Stated inspirational card sets. Truly, if I were to create a line myself, this would SO. BE. IT.  Instead, I give all kudos and all the hearts to Cleere Cherry (is that not the coolest name EVER?!?) who has created an entire inspirational line that is so utterly phenomenal.

I am pretty much obsessed by it.

I began as a customer, but now I am a wholesale distributor of her products.

These inspirational card packets come packaged in ways that make my heart so happy and - when you untie the ribbons and open the package themselves, the cards are just...beyond lovely. I started with the "Make His Day" set - a whole package of uplifting and encouraging notes, scriptures, and quotes that you can tuck into your hubby's lunch, his travel bag, or just leave for him to find next to his sink in the mornings.

I moved on to "Compliment Cards" - colorful little cards that you can slip into a gift, on a co-worker's desk, or hand out to students. Sometimes it's the smallest tokens that carry the most influence. What more could we want than to make those in our world and under our care feel special and loved, even when we are not with them?

Cleere's line is a lot more extensive than this and - if you want to check it out for yourself, start here. The Bohotique @Wildernest will begin carrying her line with the following products (more to come in the next couple of months):

• Compliment Cards
• Make Her Day
• Make His Day
• Bright Notes for Bright Minds

You may begin ordering these four products as of 8pm tonight. You will find them in the SHOP portion of our B&B website. I challenge you to order a pack and start handing out bits of happy on the regular! 

PLEASE, let me know what you think about this line! I am uber excited about it and I am greatly anticipating carrying the entire line by the end of May. But I value YOUR thoughts so very much. Drop a comment and tell me what you think and how you'd use them! 

To kick things off, I'm doing a giveaway - a set of Compliment Cards! Watch the IG story later tonight, like it, tag a friend, and then leave a comment HERE, at the end of this blog post. We'll have a computer generated random drawing tomorrow at 5, and I will announce who can excitedly stalk their mail box for this little packet of all things happy! 

Happy MLK Day! {Praise hands allllll the way up for a much-needed day off after the week the teachers in my district had last week, and have to look forward to this week.) Blessed beyond measure to work with a great group of educators who love kids passionately. 

Present.

PRESENT.

This morning the story of Ruth was on my mind; I even posted a devotional meme that talked of Ruth not going back to what was familiar. Because of this - and because she stepped out in faith and walked into the unknown - she came face-to-face with her divine destiny.

If any woman ever had a reason to look back, and even go back, it was Ruth. No one would have blamed her. No one would have thought her weak or scared or wrong. She would have been doing the natural thing, the human thing. That thing that we all do at times when life is overwhelming, or the choices are too hard, or the decisions are too scary. We go back to what we know. To where we feel the safest.

But Ruth decided to be PRESENT, and because of that, her life was never the same.

One evening last week, I spent about an hour on the phone with someone so very precious to me. Young enough to be my daughter, and yet possessing the talent and wisdom and grace of someone so much older, she is a true inspiration to me. I listened as she "talked out" things that were on her heart and decisions that lay ahead of her. It's in those moments that I think I pray the hardest, "Lord, give me the right words to say. Don't let ME get in the way." When she had talked and I had listened, only one phrase ran through my heart, and then my head, and finally out of my mouth.

"Faith walk it."

Walk it out.

This applies to most all of us. There are times when we come face to face with that choice: play it safe, or faith walk it. Lay it all out there. Put that talent to use. Let your heart feel. Make the decision that doesn't necessarily make sense to others. Go with what you know and trust.

In the introduction to The Lipstick Gospel by Stephanie May Wilson (review coming soon!), Stephanie addresses the two types of people in this world: the people with a map and those without one. Both ways can bring you to places of great beauty, and they can also both carry you through arduous times. For the planners (raising my hand high here, because I fall more deeply into this category than the other) you at times arrive to your destination only to realize it looks nothing like you thought it would. And sometimes when you don't plan at all, you still manage to stumble upon something more perfect than you would have ever picked out for yourself.

There's not a right or a wrong, even though the extremes of each find it really hard to understand the other! LOL:) Either way can lead to beauty. Both ways can lead to heartache. The decision lies inside of us, with that still, small voice that directs when we can release control enough to listen. Truly listen.

And then faith walk whatever it is that He speaks to us.

It's in these moments that we are truly, reverently PRESENT.

My word for this year is just that. PRESENT. Let me be like Ruth. Let me not play it safe, just because of fear or uncertainty, or because I might fail. Let me be messy, but beautiful in His sight. Let me be bold, but only because what lies ahead is worth the extra effort. In short, let me move forward despite my fears, insecurities, and - in those times when I am unsure of the next step - let me not be afraid to pause, to rest, to reset, and then begin to move forward again.

Just don't let me look back.

Let me be present this year. In the lives of the ones I love the most. In the wake of the dreams I pursue. In the hearts of those who need me to be strong. Let me show up. Do the hard work. Take advantage of opportunities that others view as risks. View a closed door as a reason to venture out an open window. Or time to dance in the hallway while I wait...

Let this planner be diligent, aware, and wise, but don't let me miss the spectacular because of fear of stepping outside of my comfort zone.

Let me be...

PRESENT.

MANUSCRIPTS: Melrose Miracle

Remember last Saturday when I was soooo emotional about The Finding of the Manscripts?

LOL.

I'll attempt to explain why.

A number of years ago, I was a full-time writer. Just saying that makes me still cringe a bit. But not nearly as much as I used to cringe when someone would refer to me as a "writer" or "author," although both were true.

For close to 8 years I devoted the majority of my days to my craft, my passion, my calling. I wrote. Four of my completed manuscripts made it to publication. The first two will forever be special just simply because a small secular publishing house took a chance on a newbie.


If I had the opportunity to revise these two titles today, I would know so much more about character development, plot twists, about being one with your characters.

Still, by God's grace and mercy, These Things We Hold and For Such a Time as This found their publishing home. A few years later, Waking Emma and Saving Grace also found a publishing home. Mind you, this all took place years ago; before I went back to college for my teaching certification, before we moved to rural Northeast Texas, before my teaching career, and definitely before we opened the B&B!

Over the years since, I've often all but forgotten about those days. Days when I would plop in front of my computer after the boys left for their day at school. Days when I would become so involved in my characters' lives that I would have a difficult time transitioning back to my "real world" at the end of the day in order to make dinner, keep house, be a "present" wife and mom, and raise a family.

Once I began school, and then teaching, I all but gave up writing. The occasional blog post was about as far as I ventured into the writing arena in those days. By this time, I had grown somewhat frustrated with the industry and the difficult journey it is to "break into" mainstream publishing. I - by then - had several more manuscripts completed, as well as book proposals that I was insanely excited about - but I was no longer confident that writing was a calling; maybe it was just my hobby.

It seemed that writing had become WORK and much of my previous joy was robbed by the rejection letters, the return of my beloved Melrose Miracle by my equally beloved AGENT (yessss, I actually was under contract with an agent!:), and by the rigorous guidelines and stipulations required to succeed in a very up and coming and competitive industry - that of Christian fiction.

I remember the day I packed up the binders, saved all the manuscripts and proposals to a flash drive, and then stored them all. I truly felt that this "season" of my life was behind me. I knew I wanted to hang onto all of the things from this time period, but I was not a good steward of keeping up with where they were. This was particularly true after several moves, until we settled on the 50 acres of land that we now call the B&B.

Then, a number of months ago, that sleeping giant awoke inside of me and - y'all - I. CAN'T. STOP. WRITING. It's joyful again, healing, even, and I write with abandon, not giving one single thought to trying to become published again. I'm writing for me, to deliver myself of the many stories bottled up inside of me, begging to find their home in word form.

When I switched from teaching English to Culinary this school year, and realized that my Advanced Culinary was made up of all females, Melrose Miracle came to mind. The story of Ella and Luke, a nation-wide Cooking Channel contest - "Restaurant 101" - and a 2nd chance at love and laughter, the perfect combination to share with my culinary ladies.

Except I could not find the binder holding the hard copy. I could not find the flash drive. I couldn't find it online anywhere - even though I had posted it one chapter at a time on an old blog back some years ago. The thought of it BEING GONE was devastating to me.

Days became weeks and weeks became months and still no manuscript.

When I had all but given up, my precious, sweet, unbelievably supportive husband (no matter what kind of shenanigans I find myself in, he never fails to have my back:) spent time searching the very, very back of a very, very packed storage room in the barn...and he found Ella and Luke!!!  (All the praise hands here!)

This binder with this old manuscript of mine now resides in my classroom. I'm not sure when I'll share it with the girls - maybe as a part of their graduation gift...

In the meantime, I'm having the best time reading the novel (my novel!) and even though it never found its home, I can't help but believe that this was all a part of a bigger plan. A plan much bigger, and most likely better, than I could have created or dreamed on my own.

I'm so thankful - so grateful - for so very much these days.

I'm excited for what is happening in my heart as I spend my evenings tucked into my chair in front of my laptop. Just because it feels like home again. 

Much like Ella experienced:

She'd entered this contest on a dare, never in a million years thinking she'd be chosen as a finalist. Then she'd traveled to LA in pursuit of a distant dream, an opportunity to carve out a delicious future for her and Chloe.

But she'd discovered so much more.

Luke Abney had claimed her heart with a gentleness that left Ella breathless. His warmth and tenderness reached inside her to a place Ella thought had withered away when Stephen died. In a short span of time, Luke had taught her two valuable things.

 How to trust her heart again.

And how to trust God again. (Wilder, Melrose Miracle)

Trusting Him with all of my heart, for all of my tomorrows...

The Giving Box

 "We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give."

---Winston Churchill

Every Christmas since they were old enough to understand, Amy & Paul have taken our grands - Carter & Kendall - to serve Meals on Wheels on Christmas Day. Of all the many, many things I love, appreciate, and admire about our grown children, perhaps the biggest of these is that they live life on purpose.

Somehow they have realized (at a much younger age than we did) that a life well lived is a life where you are aware; aware of your blessings, but also aware of the lack of food, lack of health, lack of money, and lack of family that so many around us experience.

Living a life OF purpose is wonderful and great, and I think it's something that most "thinking" people do. We want to know that we are making a difference in this world, and not just existing. We want our lives to impact someone and - when all is said and done - we want to know that our life meant something. That we are leaving an imprint of our heart and efforts behind. 

But living life ON purpose, I believe, takes it a step further. I don't know that we "think" about this nearly as much as it is just a part of who some people are. They have a way of keeping "the main thing" THE main thing. They are present in their life and show up for all the right moments. Busyness, obligations, and appointments still dot their daily lives, but never seem to outshine or overpower what they believe to be the most important: taking care of those who aren't necessarily able to care for themselves. 

Over the past few weeks of partnering with ndulge, I've seen firsthand how easy they make it for most any of us to begin to change our perspective from JUST living a life of purpose to living life ON purpose. A company founded by a group of sisters, ndulge seeks to not only provide quality athleisure wear, beauty and wellness products, and accessories (that we are all going to buy anyway), but they stand behind their words and give back 33% to a variety of causes that each involve helping people not as fortunate as they are.

If you want to hear an inspirational story, then you need to read Kennedy's story. Just as Paul and Amy started our grands out early, so did the parents of these girls. So much so, that as they grew and again and again witnessed first hand the power of giving, they sought out ways to make it a permanent part of their daily lives. 

They decided to live life ON purpose. 

One of the products I am most excited about is The Giving Box. Much like the now-popular "box of the month" clubs (except this is a one-time purchase that you can repeat as often as you'd like), you receive a box of ndulge products (worth well over $100) that you will not only LOVE and wear all the time, but the money from the box will go directly to impact and affect the lives of at least two people. 

You may be thinking, two people, well, that doesn't sound very impactful. But it's a movement, a deliberate step after step after step approach to changing lives in very specific ways. I'm excited - and honored - to be a part of this company and to be able to share some good in a world so desperately in need of true folks to be the "hands & feet" of Jesus during a time when it is all too easy to get caught up - and remain caught up - in the hecticness, the hurry, the frenzy that is LIFE. 

As I announced on IG and Facebook this morning, I have a few giveaways that I want to send out this week! Leave a comment here on the blog, sharing a favorite quote, or maybe an inspirational GIF or meme...something that is in keeping with Winston Churchill's words: "We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give," and you will be entered into a random drawing for the AMAZING Hearts for Giving bracelets, made with love and very little money by the women who give of their time, energy, and resources to aid the Prerana Orphanage of Love in Nepal.

Tonight - at 8:00pm Central time - I will draw names for these giveaways, and then send some of this happiness that I have discovered your way! Comment away on social media, but - remember - the names for the drawing will come from the comments left here on this post!

Until this evening...

Blessings, 

Staci

When NO is what gets you there.

Whether it has something to do with the "first child" syndrome, or whether I am just a pleaser by nature, saying NO does not come easy for me. In fact, up until recently, I would find 100 other ways to attempt to say no (to a project, to an obligation, to an event, to a person) but I quickly discovered that some people don't "hear" those other ways.

They have to hear, "No," to know it means NO.

Saying that one simple little word shouldn't be so difficult. But for many people - including me - it brings on such a sense of guilt; as though I am letting someone or something down.

I wish I would have realized a long time ago that I don't have that kind of power. :) People's happiness and satisfaction in this life isn't directly proportional to me being at their beck and call, no matter how it appears in the moment.

"You can't have a yes without a no." (Niequist) We all have limitations on our time, our energy, and our resources. Saying "yes" too often to things that don't inspire us, motivate us, or bring about any kind of self-respect or self-gratitude only means that we are simultaneously saying "no" to some things that do inspire us, do motivate us, and do provide us with a sense of self-respect.

I've come to realize over the latter portion of 2018 that I've said "no" too many times, but to the wrong people, the wrong things. I've passed on weekends with family to work an event or fulfill a sponsorship. I've lost sleep and just plain 'ol rest to show up when I'd rather stay home, to make someone's job easier while making mine more difficult.

As I went from a young mom, to a working mom, then to a single mom, then to a blended family mom, then a "going back to college mom," and finally - a full-time career mom, I gradually became accustomed to saying yes to all the things.

I imagine, at first, this was because I felt that I somehow lacked something, something that I needed to compensate for. Maybe I felt "less than" because of the struggle to provide for two little boys in an average paying job. Maybe I felt that since I could no longer be THE room mother, that I should instead make all of the things. The cupcakes. The schedules. The goody bags.

I remember coming home from one work trip a day early. I didn't tell anyone about the change of schedule except for Mike. I came straight home from the airport, changed into sweats and a tshirt, climbed into bed, and simply requested that I be excused from the phone, from interaction with people, from even the things that should have brought me the most fulfillment.

I just wanted to lay in bed.

It wasn't depression, or even despondency. It wasn't just a matter of being physically, mentally, or even emotionally tired. I was just tapped out. Out of reserves. Out of anything to give for the moment.

In hindsight, that should have been my turning point, but - of course - it wasn't. I was still young - in my early 30s - and felt that things might literally crumble if I wasn't hands on 24/7 in everything I was expected to do. Everything I was asked to do. Everything I thought I should do. 

I was working so hard, moving so fast, taking on so much that I hadn't even realized I was losing out on the things that really mattered. The moments. Those brief pockets of time when memories are made.

I suppose I thought it would all lead me to where I eventually wanted to be - at my destination. Where I was meant to be. Equipped with what I needed to be successful in life. What I didn't realize was that I was robbing not only myself, but those I loved most, of the best of me.

Not everyone will be thrilled about your decision to suddenly be protective of your time, your talent, and your energy. It may "inconvenience" some people who've become reliant on you - quite simply put - just being there for them. 

Hear this: those are NOT YOUR PEOPLE.

The folks who truly love you, treasure you even, want your happiness. They want you to have a peaceful, fulfilling life, and they trust you to make the decisions that ensure that is what happens. These people are not threatened by your absence, their feelings are not hurt by your saying 'no.' They will respect your decisions. They will respect your needs.

They will respect YOU.

If we listen, we all have that inner voice that guides our way. For many of us, this is certainly through prayer, and it is also through using what God gave us: the ability to listen to our bodies, and to respectfully care for this one vessel He's given us to live in. After all, it has to take us to the finish line.