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| Our Wedding Day |
Mike and I have often joke that we're not real sure just how we ended up married; he never "asked," therefore I never said "yes" - and yet here we are...an old married couple now of almost twenty years.
We were never your ordinary couple, if there is even such a thing. With a substantial age difference between us, and me a young, single mom of two tween boys and he with a daughter in college, neither of us really expected to end up married.
(Mainly because he told me he would never marry again:)
Yet in spite of all the obvious obstacles and definitely in spite of our naysayers, there was an undeniable meeting of two hearts that needed one another. He traveled a lot for work and I was busy with a full-time job as well as mothering full-time, and we didn't see a whole lot of one another. In fact, we probably date more now than we ever did during our courtship.
But we wrote letters. So. Many. Letters. We still have them - hundreds - tucked away in a private spot. Every so often one of us will pull them out and we'll sit in our bed and take turns choosing one at random and read it out loud to the other. That was our courtship; through words spoken from the heart we came to know the true essence of the other. There was no holding back. Again, we didn't expect to marry; instead, we thought we had found a safe place to pour out our hurts from the past, our dreams for the future, our hopes for our respective children, and - yes - what we were going to do about this growing need we each felt to be with the other.
I'll not go into how we got from there to our wedding day; it's sacred and completely, totally a God-thing. But I still stand by the fact that there was no proposal; there was nothing uber romantic about how we arrived to our special day. However, the road there - and since - has been paved with more romance than some experience in their entire life.
I've never given any thought whatsoever to renewing our vows. Yet, as we draw closer to our 20th anniversary, we've talked a bit about it. Not because we feel the need to recite vows or declare our love and commitment; we both know more than ever that our love was destined. We are meant to BE.
But the road from being a "blended" family to a FAMILY has been one that's not always been easy. The easy part is falling in love, caring for each other's kids enough to open your heart and life to them, and seeing it all play out perfectly in your mind.
The harsher reality is that you're dealing with sensitive little hearts that don't fully understand what is happening and you're trying to find words to explain to your almost grown daughter why - after all this time - you've decided to not only marry, but to take on the care and raising of two young boys.
Again, I'll save all of our experiences and the ups and downs and ins and outs of our journey to unity for the five of us. What is the most important thing is that no one gave up; we allowed everyone to move at their own pace. The boys received a bonus dad that they lovingly refer to as Pops now; I received not what I would call a step-daughter - though that is what she is - but one of my closest and best friends.
This all took time, but time took care of all of our hearts.
Somewhere along the way, we melded and became one big, happy family. Then the boys were grown and marrying, and we then had three amazing children-in-law, as well as three phenomenal children. Now we have three grands that light our world in ways we never knew was possible.
What deserves to be celebrated and rejoiced over is that. Our kids. Our grands. Our family.
Two weeks ago, we were driving down the road and suddenly Mike pulls over to the side and puts the truck in park. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a ring, takes my hand with his free one, looks me straight in the eye and says,
"Mrs. Wilder, would you do me the honor of marrying me again?"
He asked, y'all!
I said YES.
Next December, when we have our family all together to celebrate Christmas, we'll stand with our kids and grands and renew our vows. Not just to each other, but to all nine of them. If they wish (and I hope they do!) we want them to say what they would like. If the grands want to speak, we welcome it! (We feel quite certain that 5 year old George will have something entertaining to offer up:)
Back then - on our wedding day - we became a family in name, but these days, we are a family in heart.
Watching our grown children interact with each other, share in big group text conversations, laugh and joke together is the single most favorite sight and sound we love the most in this whole entire world. All 11 of us aren't together too often due to living in various parts of Texas; but when we are, it's heaven on earth for Pops and I.
I love who we are together, not just Mike and I, but all eleven of us. I treasure the road that led us here, I embrace the moments that were difficult, and often rocky or even scary. Each experience, each year, each milestone built our family's foundation.
And it's a firm one.
One that will stand the test of time.
So in December we will renew our vows, and we'll look into one another's eyes, but then we'll turn and look at our kids and grands that stand there with us and - more than anything - we'll just give thanks for the blessing that came with an unexpected love, an anything-but-ordinary courtship, and the five hearts that blended together in love.
