Truly, Madly, Deeply

I've been thinking about love relationships a lot lately. A lot of the reason why, I'm sure, is because of my own love. My marriage to my guy. I think about what our love looked like back in the beginning, the way it looked in the middle of raising teenagers, how it looked as we embraced an empty nest, and - especially - the way it looks today.

In every stage we've loved. Truly. Madly. Deeply. Around the time we married the band Savage Garden came out with the song by this name. For a long while, it was our song; so reflective of the acknowledgment of both our pasts, and appreciation of having found one another. I looked the original music video up a few days ago and let my mind review the past twenty years.

Truly, Madly, Deeply

As a teacher of high school, sometimes I am so saddened by what this age bracket views as 'love.' I guess when I was their age my friends and I weren't much different. Love is beautiful in all its stages: the wildly exhilarating beginning, the team-building middle years, the ups and downs, highs and lows, the sick times and the healthy ones.

Love, though, isn't always about romance. And it's not confined to intimate relationships.

We all receive and give love in so many different ways to so many different people in our lives. And I think we can all agree we all need love. It's absolutely necessary to having a happy life. We need our significant other, yes, but we also need friends. Family. Our kiddos. Our grands. I certainly would never call myself an expert on love, but being one half of a healthy, flourishing marriage has helped me to realize a few major point over the years. 

First, you have to love yourself.

We all come from different backgrounds. Some of us grew up in a loving and encouraging family, and some of us didn't. We've probably all had some kind of relationship in our lives that has left us feeling hurt. You can't control your outside circumstances. I wish we could. What you can control is your own choices. It can be hard to love when you feel broken. If you don't come to any relationship (romantic, friendship, family) whole, you end up (1) asking others to fill in the broken pieces or (2) shutting them out completely. You first have to love yourself. Someone very wise once pointed out to me that God instructs us to "love others as ourselves." Way too often, if we're honest, we'd love others in a totally lousy way if we truly abided by this scripture. And yet, it's what we should do. Then, and only then, can any of us offer relationships our strengths rather than looking to them to fix our weaknesses. We all have the power to make this decision no matter what hand life has dealt us.

Be someone you would love.

It is always easier to blame others. Always. Always, always, always - no matter your age or your stature in life. What's hard is looking inward to ourselves and realizing that maybe it's us who needs to change. Before you have amazing relationships you have to be someone you would love. Be the mother you would want. Be the friend you want. Be the spouse you want. This is a lifelong process the important people in your life will help you with if you are open to it. Stop focusing on others' shortcomings so much and instead work on yourself.

 Love deeply.

Don't hold back. Don't hold grudges. Go all in. We've probably all been hurt before, and I'm not saying we should ignore those situations. We need to learn from the unhealthy ones and seek to avoid repeat mistakes. But. Don't let past hurts prevent you from making new relationships or falling in love. This almost happened to me. I was hurt and felt justified in my unwillingness to forgive even though my circumstances had changed. And this attitude nearly prevented me from being ready for my future husband...my now husband. My partner, my love, my guy. Don't be afraid to love deeply.  Be open. Be brave.

4. Choose your important relationships.

I truly believe that we should love everyone. An attitude of love to your fellow citizens is a great way to live your life. Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone did this? However, this does not mean that you should open yourself up to being hurt over and over again. Choose the people who you cultivate important relationships with. If someone has continually been a negative influence in your life, or doesn't treat you the way you deserve, then they should not receive the privilege of being one of your close relationships. Focus on the positive influences in your life. Love them deeply (see point 3).You don't need to be anyone's second choice.

5. Love is work.

Every important relationship in your life requires attention in order for it to grow. I am so guilty of being that friend who doesn't call back. It is SO easy to get busy with your life, with work or school or whatever you are passionate about and not focus on cultivating the love in your life. I should get dinner with my parents more often. I should get coffee with friends more. I should plan more dates away from the B&B with Mike. If you neglect any relationship it will decline over time. I've had many friends over the years that I've sort of drifted apart from simply because I didn't make time for them. Being a giving and loving person takes a lot of intentional effort. And that's something that I'm working on this year.

But good people are worth the time. All the time. Every time. 

Savor: My Next 90 Days

Anyone who knows me well at all, knows I love a good planner/calendar! So much so that I may go a tad bit overboard. I currently carry THREE around with me on the daily!

There is a method to my madness though, I promise! The first is our business planner, which I use solely for just that...business. It contains all the reservations for each of the cabins, as well as the venue, plus it holds contact info for all of our brides and their important people. Updated financials are catalogued there on a monthly basis just so I can quickly flip to it at a moment's notice. Yes, this is all on our computer and much of it in our phones, but - call me stuck in yesteryear - I can't help the love I have for hard copy! I've used the same design for the past three years, and have purchased them all from an online boutique through Jane, called So Kali. I'm not posting a picture of it here right now because I'm being just too lazy to snap the pic and upload, but if you're like me and love a great planner plus a little personalization on the front cover, this one's for you! The planners aren't generally listed for sale until around Fall, but she has bill trackers, prayer journals, and much more! Definitely worth a look around! Then bookmark her for your next year's planner!

The planner that stays in my purse full-time is my personal one, and also one that contains all of my classroom and lesson plans. I used to do a full-on teacher planner, but finally gave that one up this year and - instead - consolidated it with my smaller, personal one. It's a good one, though, by Agenda 52! I'm pretty sure I picked this one up at Hobby Lobby, and it was either insanely on sale or I used my 40% off coupon! I'm obsessed with this one because you can customize the inserts; that's really the only reason it works so well for my lesson plans, and also for meal planning and shopping lists, too! LOVE it.

 
I so did NOT intend for this to be a full post dedicated to my planner/calendar addiction; I meant to gush on and on about my newest one only - the My Next 90 Days by Savor Life. It helps to organize your life 90 days at a time, and truly, TRULY promotes a more intentional way of approaching your busy days. Of course, it helps tons that it's full of inspirational quotes and has very deliberate 4-pillar  method: your 'savor life' list which helps keep you focused on what's most important, a 90 day vision, a weekly and daily ritual list, and - finally - a place to organize what they call your "gorgeous chaos." It takes the "nourish to flourish" approach and has room for literally everything you need to remind you to stop, think, rest, drink your water, plan your day intentionally, get in your prayer time, and you simply do it 90 days at a time!

Everytime I glimpse it on my desk, or laying open on the coffee table, or on a stack of books where I'm working in my home office, I smile. Every. Single. Time.

The reason?

At the end of THIS 90 days, I will be walking out of my role as a classroom teacher and into my new one as FULL-TIME B&B owner/operator!!! My heart, of course, is alllll over the place. I'm going to miss SO much about the teaching life, primarily my students, awesome coworkers, and - yes - a dependable monthly income! But if I've ever in my life known something for certain, it's that this is the right time, the right decision. I am ready.

What I don't want the next few months to be is a race to the finish. I want so badly to finish the school year out at the top of my game, which isn't always an easy task when my time, energy, and attention is pulled in such opposite directions. I want to live each day intentionally, knowing that there is purpose and pleasure in each and every one of them. And hard work. Always more hard work, right? Every morning, I glance at the list for the day, where I begin with what is Number One for every day: prayer first. This is the time of day that settles me, and helps me prepare in a calm and logical manner whatever the next 15 hours might hold.

So...this super long post in essence is really all about the last two paragraphs only.

In 90 days my life will once again change. I'll go through yet another "transplantation." My daily prayer is that each and every day lived between this one and that last one will be chock full of only the important, the essentials that fuel my spirit, nourish my body, and keep me in a place where I can be my best for my husband, our family, my role as a teacher and tender of young hearts, and my responsibilities in our business.

Life hacks for REAL women!

Sister, you are not alone!

Life is crazy, frantic at times, and always, always changing. Morphing into something that we've either worked ever so hard for, or something completely unexpected - that we are not prepared for.

Either way, the Ya-Ya Sisterhood (aka women as a whole) need to be supportive of one another. BE that woman that is willing to fix another's crown without broadcasting to the world that it was crooked in the first place! Part of that is to encourage one another's feats in this life. A way to make way enough for all of our anticipated feats is to have a few "hacks" under our belts so that we don't get tripped up over day-to-day stuff.

Real life hacks for real life women.

I am in no way whatsoever an expert on this subject. Or maybe I am. Because I am just a real life woman. Not a celebrity. Not a celebrity wannabe. Not young and hip. Not yet old and wise. I'm just a woman somewhere in the middle who is embracing the realization of long worked-for dreams and - at the same time - still scrambling to leave my imprint on the hearts and lives around me.

So the following list will not be your usual beauty hack list. It will not be your normal "guide for the busy career mom" list. Instead, I'm merely a fellow sister who is interested in ways to simplify my life and still take care of my body, my health, my family, and my home. If you are in the same boat as me, then I hope the following list is helpful!

Time Saving Life Hacks

Learn to say no. Far too many of us struggle with saying "no" to people. As a result, we're too often saddled with time and energy-draining tasks and responsibilities we really didn't need to add to our already stretched schedules. Learning how to say "no" - politely, but firmly - is the single most important life skill to help preserve precious time and be able to prioritize what's truly important.

Flip your mattress every three months. Unless you're currently sleeping on a one-sided mattress, such as ours. A delicious, luxurious pillow-top that is exquisite and - very definitely the most impressive mattress we've ever indulged in. Yet, because of the amazing pillow-top, there is now a distinctive sag along the middle of the bed. BUT...if this isn't YOU...flipping your mattress every few months will even it out and prevent that sagging, which in turn, will save you a WORLD of pain in the form of poor posture and lousy, lousy backaches. Flipping a mattress really isn't a one-woman job, particularly a queen or king, but it's definitely worth doing; a hurting back will take a whole lot longer to deal with than finding someone to help flip that mattress!

Keep snacking. One of the first things we women tend to cut out during a busy, hectic day is our food intake. Believe me, preaching to the choir here. But don't wait until you're practically starving to put food in your body. Taking long breaks between meals tends to make your body tire more quickly due to lack of glucose. This leads to a dip in our productivity level. Snacking every couple of hours on something nutritious and delicious is not only good for our metabolism, but also helps to keep our energy levels higher, enabling us to work at our optimum. PLUS...it prevents us from binging on unhealthy choices due to extreme hunger.

Keep salt, pepper, etc in your drawer at work. Speaking of eating...despite our best intentions, many of us end up eating a lot of our meals at the desk. I'm not the only one who does this, am I??? Because of this, I've learned it's so helpful to keep a few essentials like plastic ware, little packets of salt, pepper, ketchup, herbs, etc. in my drawer at work. (I also stash a few packets of low-salt peanuts and single serving JIF peanut butter.) You never know when you might need them and nothing is worse in the middle of a stressful, hectic day than to open your lunch only to discover it is going to be bland just because you didn't have time to run to the cafeteria or on-site cafe for some basic things that add life to our food.

Do not incessantly check emails. This one is tough for many of us. I get my email via my computer, but also by way of my phone AND my fitbit. It's really touch to ignore emails and - I'm not necessarily saying to do that. But I AM promoting the thought that email should be checked two - maybe - three times a day at max. Stopping what we're doing every time we receive a new, incoming email distracts us and leads to loss of focus on the current task, which - in turn - means less productivity.

Unsubscribe from useless lists. I finally took time a couple of weeks ago to go through my "spam" mail and unsubscribe from the countless email traps I had fallen into over the past several years. No, they don't "share" your information; they merely email you 7,246 times a week. Am I right, or am I right? I also went into my Facebook settings and withdrew from "groups" that no longer had meaning to me.

Fashion/Beauty Hacks

Utilize shower time. In a perfect world...wait...actually this really DID use to be my life...I would spend much-needed time pampering my skin and my body. After all, we DO only get one in this lifetime. But when life is busy - which is pretty often for a lot of us - every single second counts, which is why it is important that we make sure to utilize our shower time! :) Keep a body scrubbie in the shower and regularly exfoliate from tip to toe, clean AND cleanse your face, don't be afraid to use shampoo or conditioner in exchange for shave gel. It really does work Just. As. Well. It's also okay to apply moisturizer that you would normally do later in front of the sink - while IN the shower. Maybe most importantly, before you emerge from the shower, stand for a few seconds, if not a few minutes, and let the water flow over your body. Close your eyes, and relish the hot water, the feeling of having cared for your body.

Use two-in-one UV products.  When it comes to making your beauty regime easier, using two-in-one products is a must. Pick a cream that moisturizes AND offers UV protection, or opt for a tinted moisturizer that, both, cares for your skin while covering minor blemishes and redness. When life is at its busiest, it's the little things like these that can make all the difference.

Your hairdryer. I've learned a trick or two in my 50 years on this earth and one of those is that your hairdryer is for waaayyyy more than merely drying your hair. Hmmmm....For one, it can be used to help break in new shoes. Especially heels, y'all!!! Just pull on a thick pair of socks, slip into the shoes, and apply the heat from the hair dryer to the tightest corners or spots in your shoes. Keep repeating until the shoes fit comfortably.

Ice Cube Organizer. Okay, admittedly the Container Store, Target, and - of course - Amazon, sells all manner of things organizational-wise. But if you're interested in saving pennies (like I am!) and it's NOT all about "looks", then consider an inexpensive ice cube tray. You can buy two for .99 cents at Dollar General, ladies! These hold rings, trinkets, hair ties, etc... They fit nicely into ANY drawer and can help make reaching for what you need SO much easier!

Coconut Oil is life! Coconut oil can be used for a myriad of things, from health, food, all the way to beauty, and the healing of the body. WHERE has it been all of our lives, ladies??? I have personally used coconut oil to cook with, bathe my feet in, DRINK, AND use it for cuticle softener for both my fingers and my toes. Gargling with coconut oil every night does WONDERS for the body; just trust me on this and give it a try! It also is so much superior to manicure and pedicure lotions. It is absorbed by the body quickly and gently, and does not leave an oily residue. When applying at bedtime, it provides the perfect overnight moisturizer for the cuticles, the heels of your feet, and your lips. KEEP coconut oil on hand! (I buy the solid.)

I hope this list of life hacks helps in some way. If you have another, PLEASE comment below! We ae in this together, and ALL suggestions are welcome!

Navigating social media.

A couple of years ago Mike and I jokingly (but also seriously; does that make sense?) said that our brains simply could not handle any more new technology when it comes to social media. I flourished in all that was Facebook, while he held out many years before finally throwing in the towel and creating an account. But the others...Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Snap Chat, and - now - even Marco Polo, were just too much to keep up with. Never mind the fact that I truly do not think I have the right brain cells to navigate Snap Chat.

It's hysterical watching my students snap all day and work those phones like a boss with one hand, while I deliberate over each and every FB post and carefully and thoughtfully choose each photo for Instagram. I joined Twitter a number of years ago, broke up with it, got back together with it...a few times, but then ended that relationship for good. To quote Taylor Swift, "We are never, ever getting back together!"

A while back when we decided that I would most likely be running the business full time after this school year, and that - if that was going to be the case - then I needed to try to grow it even further, I knew I needed to really throw myself into Instagram and Pinterest. I researched like a doctoral candidate, learning why the heck a hashtag was so almighty important, and how to attract the "right" people to my pins. I have to say, I thought I had come. So. Far.

Until I took an online social media workshop for businesses and realized that I. KNOW. NOTHING.

I learned about Tailwind, which helps you coordinate, schedule and then pin to your boards, and Insta pre-sets so that you're Insta feed looks "uniform and inviting." Now, I realize that some of you probably are laughing at this point and saying, "Oh, she's so funny; she didn't know about TAILWIND?"

Um, no.

In addition to not knowing about it, I quickly realized that learning about all of the available technology that is so handily at your fingertips to help you gel your blog and your business website with your Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest, is like going down a rabbit hole. A very deep rabbit hole! The last week or so I've found that I'm alternately fascinated and elated with the possibilities, but also bewildered and frustrated. LOL!

However...I feel like I've been "hooked." Now it's not only a challenge to figure it all out, but I'm looking forward to seeing if this can really help a business...and a blog...and a website... 

                                                            G R O W.

Please! All of you that have any tips for me at all, feel free to drop a comment!! 

Recovering.

It was a perfect storm, really. 

Enough chaos going on in my body that I wasn't sure which end was up and which was down. The quote from Steele Magnolias comes to mind, when Truvy says, "Oh Sammy's so confused he don't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt."

That was me, y'all, these past couple of weeks.

This is not going to be a long drawn out post on my ailments; just a quick reason why I've been MIA for those of you who have inquired. {Speaking of that, I know I am woefully behind on texts and emails; I'm working my way through them!}

It started with a pinched nerve in my neck - about three weeks ago. I ignored it as I'm apt to do, until it became too painful to turn my head. By then it was a mere couple of days before our big 2019 Bridal Expo and there was just simply no time to stop and pay attention to - you know- THE IMPORTANT THINGS LIKE HEALTH. 

I soldiered on, by then limping because who even knows how a pinched nerve can cause you to limp? But there I was, powering through that big 'ol weekend smiling away with a literal pain in the neck and a noticeable limp. I was a thing of beauty, I am quite certain. 

After finally making an appointment with my chiropractor the next week, I felt hopeful that things were on the mend. My culinary class experienced a legit King Cake from Lyla's Bakery in Shreveport, we planned two Cajun meals, as well as salads and dressings we'd be making, while my Principles of Hospitality classes continued their major project on a theme park based on a children's book. Things were going well.

Until the aching started. I use the term aching lightly because I just can't think of a more accurate term. Pain seems TOO much, but my extreme discomfort fell somewhere in between the two. Not pain, but certainly more than ache. I laid awake for two nights, tossing and turning, unable to find a position that did not hurt. I blamed the adjustments I was receiving since I knew my back and neck were in a really jacked up position, but when I ended up in my chiropractor's office a day later and he saw my condition, he gently said, "I think you may have the flu."

No. I shook my head against that possibility. There's no fever. No chills. Just an upset stomach and this ACHING. 

Then the chills came. And, of course, the fever. And even more aching. By this point I had not eaten in three days. Even keeping water down was a challenge. When Mike came home from his out of town meetings (oh yeah, did I mention it was just the pups and I at home and - by this time - they were getting tired of going to bed at 6:45 every night:) he immediately called to get me in to the doctor.

So yesterday I find out that there is a stomach bug going around that is not to be confused with the flu - also going around - and, as she put it, "You were just in the right place to contract both at the same time."

Several bottles of Gatorade, lots of naps, a half a bottle of ibuprofen, some Tamiflu, and loads of water later I'm happy to report that I feel on the road to recovery. 

DISCLAIMER: I did not get a flu shot this year. I will not make that mistake again. YES, you CAN still get the flu even after taking the shot, but - trust me - the symptoms are much less violent, easier to control, and you won't think you are nigh unto death.

Self-care?

I've noticed the term 'self-care' tossed around a lot the past couple of years. I have to admit, I've struggled with the term itself; I think maybe it's a generational thing. I'm old enough to be a part of the generation that was mostly brought up to believe that to put yourself first is a bit selfish, and to consider others first and prioritize according to that.

I'm coming around to it though.

To be truly healthy means you're healthy in mind and spirit, as well as body. For whatever reason, the first two are easier for me to commit to. 

For my mind, I read - a lot - and I intentionally think on things that are positive. That certainly doesn't mean I don't have my moments, or DAYS, when I complain or act more like a Negative Nellie. But I do know, and understand, how it works: what you feed your mind will show up in your actions. 

For my spirit, this is probably the easiest for me. I draw my strength and inspiration from so many things connected to my spirit. Prayer first, of course, and also just staying in a constant state of awareness that His plans are so much grander and greater than my own. In my weakness, I am made strong. Many days, this is my lifeline, a comfort and a compass for me.

For my body - this has been a tougher nut to crack. It took me all of my 20s and a good part of my 30a to finally realize that my body is truly a temple, and that I should treat it as such. Overcoming body image issues, food issues, and - at last - accepting the body that I was gifted with, was not easily won. But once I grasped the fact that I only get one chance with this body, I was a much better steward of its care.

A few months ago, when I began experiencing tingling and numbness in my left hand, it was fairly easy for me to ignore. I blamed it on a prescription I had been given for a different ailment. 

When my lower back began to hurt Every. Day. I chalked it up to being on my feet all day, every day, and on concrete at that - in my new position as a Culinary instructor.

Then, when my neck and right shoulder began to ache and then become painful, I decided I was, indeed, pushing my body too hard. I would let up and give it some much needed rest after THIS. After THAT. 

self-care

Dictionary result for self-care

/ˌselfˈker/

noun

1. the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one's own health.

   "autonomy in self-care and insulin administration"

Until this week, when I couldn't take the pain any longer.

Turns out, I should have paid attention long ago. My childhood experience with scoliosis, coupled with early onset arthritis, and degenerative disk disorder are all staring me in the face this week. I had passed all my symptoms off to "aging." 

But - sometimes, people - it's more than simple aging. Sometimes, you're sick. Or, sometimes, you have a disorder. Or, sometimes, you have an injury. 

And you need to pay attention.

My body has my attention now. 

WE are enough.

We take care of the things we love, not the things we hate.

I read this statement today and it really hit home with me. It doesn't really matter what subject we may be discussing: relationships, our home, personal possessions, or...our bodies. When we care about things, about people, and about <gulp> our own self...we take care them.

Often when people talk about body image and acceptance, they misunderstand; they think accepting your body means resigning and giving up. They think if they accept their body, they won’t have any motivation to exercise or eat well. 

Acceptance does not have to also mean resignation. Loving your body does not mean resigning and giving up or treating it like garbage (both physically and emotionally). Loving your body means that you will honor it, listen to it, take care of it.

It means that there will be days when you just aren't feeling it and you eat like crap. Then you will feel like crap and the next day you'll wake up and resolve to learn from the day before, not mourn over it. We are clothed in skin and therefore we are human; we will screw up, we will make mistakes, there will be days (and sometimes a series of them) when we ignore all we innately know and treat our bodies poorly. It's not those days that are so dangerous for us; it's how our mind handles those days that sets the tone for the outcome.

I used to think (back when eating and exercising were tied to my self image instead of my well-being) that if I dove face first into a mega bag of M&Ms that my healthy day was blown to smithereens and therefore I should just feel free to eat everything in sight and begin again with a new day. Now I now that simply isn't true. All I need to do is accept the fact that I ate too many M&Ms and then move on, making a better decision about what I have to eat for dinner. 

Our bodies are gifts from God. They house vital organs, grow beautiful babies, and furnish us with energy and vitality to live the best life possible. When I finally began to see my flawed body as my one and only vehicle through this life, I began to love it a little more. And the next day a little more than the day before. It became less and less about being "ideal" and "pretty" and more and more about being strong and capable. 

We are enough.

And we're worthy to receive our own care and - more importantly - acceptance.

My Journey

We all have our own journey, and each one is unique and equally compelling and relevant. Some share their stories - their journey - easily and freely. Others of us are a little hesitant, maybe too concerned with what others may or may not think after they know a little more about our inner struggles and victories.

Our journeys encompass so much: our relationships and our ability to nurture healthy ones, our jobs and careers and how to balance those with the relationships, our hopes, our dreams, and...our health.

This post is about the leg of the journey that is health.

Let's start off by saying that I was never an athlete. I never played a sport in school, I very seldom participated in sports-like activities outside of school. I did take up running several years ago and did that for a while. And I did do a summer boot camp a couple of years ago. But - by and large - I have never been what you could consider an athlete.

As a kid, though, I was active in playing outside and I maintained a healthy weight all through childhood and my teen years. I never remember really thinking twice about what I ate and I had a fairly good sense of who I was and was comfortable with that.

All that changed when I was a young mom. Those years were filled with days that were tough, that were hard, and that - in the end - were heartbreaking. In spite of all the hardships and the other things going on in my life at the time, I loved being a mother to my two boys. It was - and still is - the single most rewarding thing in life. I would have been a bigger mess had it not been for those two little souls who depended on me and needed me.

Somewhere in the big middle of trying to balance all that life was throwing my way, I forgot how to take care of me. I gained weight - lots of it - but even more destructive were the changes going on inside of me. 

Even though I wouldn't realize it or learn from it for many, many years, I became an emotional eater. That in itself is a post for another time, another day, but you can read between the lines. I didn't take care of my body and as a result began to suffer health issues, some of which still haunt me today.

One of my dearest and most well-loved friends would tell me, "Feed your body well and then just let your weight fall where it will." I would listen and think how in the world do you even begin to do that? Something that should be so easy and so natural - putting good things in your body and trusting it to do good work for you was just so far beyond my ability to comprehend in those dark days.

Fortunately, I was one of the lucky ones. Through the love and grace of a great God, the love of a good and caring man, and a slow, reluctant love for myself, I became healthy. Instead of turning to donut therapy, I learned to reach for things that would feed my soul and not things that would harm my body. I learned the difference between eating and feeding. 

I wish I could say that once the light bulb came on, the changes began immediately. The truth in my journey is that it took me years to heal my body from the inside out and just as long to heal my mind of destructive behaviors that served to only stunt my growth in all other areas of my life. 

My story is not unlike the stories of many of you. There is a silent community of us - in all stages of the healing process - that need the confirmation that not only can we live a life that is healthy and full, but we can do so without guilt, without self-doubt, and without worry about what others may or may not think.

I'm thankful for a whole host of things these days. For family. For friends. For health. For a support group of women who are working to make their lives and the ones of those they love full and happy. 

And I'm so proud to be a part of this. 

1. 
   

Confidence: the good kind.

I’ve been thinking some lately about self confidence. Where does mine come from? What about everyone else’s? How can I better teach and foster it in my students? How can I encourage it in my friends, or my coworkers? Is it a skill that can be taught and practiced, or is it some inherent gift?

I believe confidence, forged from self-love, is a skill. I think self-compassion and self-kindness are skills that can be honed. Since there is an insane epidemic in our society of body-hating, I think loving yourself (the way you are right now, not 15 pounds from now or a college degree from now, or a healthy relationship from now) is one of the first steps on the journey to a successful (and fulfilling) life.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. 31 The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.”

It's not just happenstance that the Bible admonishes, in more than one place, that our first commandment in living for God is to love Him; following on the heels of that verse is the second, the one that many times is misinterpreted. "Love your neighbor as yourself." 

We intrinsically know we are to treat others kindly and with compassion for their circumstances, understanding for their shortcomings, and forgiveness for their mistakes. Yet most of us fail to grant these same concessions to ourselves. Instead, we are our own worst critic, constantly second-guessing, seeing the glass as half-empty, and finding it difficult to embrace our flaws as willingly as we embrace our strengths.

It’s hard to love all of myself, all of the time. But when I’m spending time alone with my reflection, I’m consciously seeing myself through the eyes of someone who loves and accepts me fully and completely… my imaginary “biggest fan,” if you will. But it’s not just physical. To me, external beauty is such a reflection of internal beauty. So while I’m loving my body and my face, I’m also loving my heart and my spirit and my whole history as a person.

I don’t compare myself to anyone. That would rob the experience of joy. I even try not to compare myself to myself, although there are certainly some thoughts, some memories. I remember how my body looked and felt in high school, how it felt after losing 50 pounds all those years ago... But it’s always done through this filter, this point of view of an imaginary fan who loves me the most right now, as I am in this moment. I don’t say mean things or think about stuff I want to change. I just admire. I just love. And for that time, through the imaginary eyes of my biggest fan, I am my biggest fan. I am the one who loves me the most. And you guys… I think people need this.

Because the thing is, you walk around making up what people think of you anyway. You can never really know. I mean, you hope your parents are proud of you, and you suspect that mean girl might just be jealous of you. But you can never KNOW. Your interpretation of what people think of you is essentially made up. And for some reason most people, most of the time, make up mean and negative things. They see themselves from the POV of an imaginary enemy. They imagine how they must come across to someone who doesn’t like them, who doubts them, who think they’re ugly, fat, dumb, or just not good enough. They spend their entire day hanging out with this judgey imaginary person who makes them feel insecure, and their entire life suffers for it. When you constantly see yourself from the POV of someone who judges you unkindly, the world feels like a harsh and dangerous place, so you shut down, take less risks, and find ways to live smaller.

The complete opposite, in fact, is true. We all deserve to be seen, loved, and admired for exactly who we are.