Monday, September 3, 2018

Courage for the middle places.

Sometimes Faith's ugly sister, Fear, appears and threatens to take over the scene. While I would never exaggerate my visibility or recognition, I still find myself afraid to be more fully seen. Which - if it weren't so dead gum scary - it would almost be funny. I teach high schoolers - who can see right through you most days, I run a business that thrives on hospitality {the B&B} and love {the wedding venue}, and I'm trying to grow a little boutique that requires I put my face and my name "out there."

The possibilities of failure, rejection, etc. get poured into this fear-cocktail. And while I can honestly say I originally hit these challenges with courage head on, as the battles in other areas of my life persist, I’ve become bone-weary in the fight.
What I've discovered lately is that it's not my own issues that have hijacked my life; it's that I've allowed the needs and hurts of others to rob me of my confidence. I've shouldered more than I was meant to; taken on the burdens of others when they were never mine to bear.
As is the case with much in life, problems don’t disappear overnight. More often than not, we don’t get over them. We move through them.  The lyrics of one of my favorite songs right now say, 
"Escape is a waste of time; ain't no use in hiding - 
you know the best way over is through. 
So if it matters, let it matter.
If your heart 's aching let it ache.
Catch those pieces as they scatter;
know your hurt is not in vain."


And in this middle place of working through something—in the space between moving courageously and waiting for something to change—you can lose your gumption. Hope gets buried beneath 50 layers of defeated thinking, and you’re sure you’re making all the wrong moves.
I’ve been there, and as I read through Exodus 14, I see Moses and the Israelites have been there too. In this passage of Scripture, Pharaoh had just freed them from captivity, and the Lord then leads Moses and His people onward and away from Egypt. But sometime shortly thereafter, Pharaoh changed his mind and goes after God’s people. As the Israelites camped near the Red Sea, all of Pharaoh’s army barreled down on them. When the Israelites saw them approaching, they were full of fear and began questioning every move that brought them there. Moses spoke up and said,
“Fear not, stand firm…The Lord will fight for you.” Exodus 14:13-14
The waters of the Red Sea were zipped up so that the Israelites could cross. Once they reached the other side unharmed, He brought the waters back together again over the entire Egyptian army.
The Israelites were scared, yes, but they leaned into that promise: The Lord will fight for you.
And they moved forward.
So I do what I know to do. Keep on keepin’ on. You’ve got this.

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