More stirred, less shaken.

Since May, our family has experienced one change after another. Some have been good ones and right on schedule - a celebratory part of our family's story. Others have been completely unexpected - unwanted.

 Both types have shaken and stirred this season like a fast-moving storm to the sea, and - more than once - I've felt sea-sick and felt myself hanging over the proverbial rail of the ship.

You get it; you've been here. You know what I mean.

You get one challenge sent your way, and you’re holding on just fine. But then another smacks right into you, and you stumble a bit, but regain your footing. Then the next wave hits and you see a few around you go down; it’s just too much. 

It could be any number of things. 

The sudden loss and the diagnosis out of nowhere. The discovered secret and the news from the past. The breakdown of a relationship and the breakdown of ALL of the appliances. The letter of rejection and the awareness of public scrutiny. 

In the blink of an eye, it can become all too much for this day, this week, this season. So, when you need to do that productive thing — because other areas of life are moving parts you can't control — you find yourself in a whirl, trying desperately to accomplish. To be productive. To improve. To make a difference. Something. Anything, to try to restore the equilibrium to your heart, your brain, your life...

A while back, I came across these verses of Scripture, and today they are speaking straight to the bruised and broken parts of my soul:

Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, which is called in Hebrew, Bethesda, having five porches. In these lay a great multitude of sick people, blind, lame, paralyzed, waiting for the moving of the water. For an angel went down at a certain time into the pool and stirred up the water; then whoever stepped in first, after the stirring of the water, was made well of whatever disease he had.John 5:2-4 (NKJV)

It’s fascinating that the waters had to be stirred up for someone to be healed within them. Not only that, but those who entered into the stirred-up waters only did so because they had faith the healing would come.

Sometimes change is very much that which stirs up the waters, isn’t it? The question becomes less "Why are things falling apart?" and more "Do I have faith to believe that even though the waters of my life are disturbed that healing can take place?" 

More importantly, am I willing to step directly into those troubled waters, or will I prolong the struggle by shying away from them?

Life-stirring changes. 

Life-giving waters.

Everything I need to know about life, I can learn from my hens.

• Communication is the key to a healthy relationship

Chickens really are the great communicators. As someone who is  married, in a career, and very involved with family and friends, I know that communication is key to any good relationship. Chickens know this, too, and they have a very sophisticated  - yet simple - communication system. Who knew they had so many different "calls?" They encourage one another, scold one another, and warn one another - it all depends on the situation they are facing. Looks like calling someone a “chicken” actually means they are pretty brave!

•  Relax and enjoy the sunshine

Just like many of us, chickens love to soak up the sunshine. Our hens will dig little holes in the dirt and flick dirt up onto themselves in a dust bath. Dust baths and sunbathing actually have many health benefits for chickens: the dust baths prevent parasites and the sunbathing is thought to stimulate hens’ metabolisms, along with providing other health benefits. After observing this in my chickens, I feel much less guilt when I indulge in back deck time! It's healthy, and those few moments - however brief - can go a long way in rejuvenating a weary soul.

• Surround yourself with only good people

In spite of what a lot of people think, chickens do like people. Certain people. People who treat them with kindness. People who talk to them. People who bring them food. Sound familiar? They will flock with great excitement to the gate of their yard when they see us. They know the routine. We are dependable. We have a routine. We show up. It's a constant reminder to me to show up for the folks in my life, whether they be my love, my family, my students, or friends. Show up. Be present. Be dependable.

• Be loud and proud about your achievements

Kids love to announce their accomplishments. I typed in 'brag' at first but brag tends to have a negative connotation these days and what kids do is anything but negative. They are proud of the award they won, they are excited about the good grade they worked so hard for and didn't expect, they are delighted when they learn a new skill. And they should be.

But somewhere along the line on the way to being mature, responsible adults we begin to downplay our accomplishments instead of sing them. It's like we've been taught that it's not proper or in good manners to talk about ourselves. 

Have you ever been around a hen during and after she's laid an egg? Let me tell you, it's a par-tay! That doesn't mean that the other hens stop whatever it is they are doing and join her celebration. Instead she spends a few minutes rejoicing and then she goes back to her life and to her co-existence with the others in her flock. Lesson learned. It's okay to take a moment and bask in those hard-earned accomplishments. But don't set up camp there. Take it in and then move on to the next thing. 

• Come home to roost.

Chickens like adventure. They like to peck, wander, and explore. They like to leave their yard and mosey into the neighboring wooded area, foraging as they go. Very rarely do they wander alone; the are really good at the buddy system. But no matter where they are, they come home for the important things. They go to their nesting box to lay and they come home to their coop at night. 

It's a family thing and a safety thing, two of which we can learn from. Family is where it is, and - at the heart of family - is your safe place. It's where people love you even when they don't like you in the moment, it's the spot where you're built up after being torn down during your day, and it's the sanctuary of your heart. It's where you lay down your worries, cares, disappointments, as well as display your triumphs, your dreams, and your wins. 

"She closes her eyes, through her hero's demise. Holds on to her hope beyond the sky. 

She take a breath, weight comes off her chest. She finds a way to weather through the storm.

She cries out, "Home! I need me some home. Oh, I need me some home.""

Do two negatives REALLY make a positive?

I saw today where someone posted "If two wrongs don't make a right, then how come two negatives make a positive?" In math and science, this may be true, but - when it comes to people - I can promise you only one thing:

If you put two negative people together for any length of time, I am POSITIVE the outcome will be negative!

We know that snap judgments are bad for the world at large, but people rarely discuss how destructive being judgmental is for the person who is doing it. Women are the WORST at this! No joke, being judgmental of other women causes us to live in hateful chaos, and we have to consciously rise above it if we ever hope to live peacefully in our bodies.

Just to be clear: I don’t think you should judge anyone. But women tend to judge other women the harshest, and our bodies, outfits, and appearances get hit the most consistently and aggressively, because they’re easily accessible. I know some people call this on-going judgment of other women a “guilty pleasure,” because it gives you a private little hit of satisfaction. When you sum up another woman in a split second, and find something wrong with her, you get to enjoy a momentary jolt of superiority.

The problem is that every time you look at another woman and find something wrong with her based on her body, looks, or anything else, you reinforce for yourself the idea that there is a universal “right” and “wrong” way for a woman to have a body, look, live, act, dress, or otherwise. You solidify imaginary rules in your mind for what is “acceptable” and and what is “unacceptable.” You may momentarily feel superior, but when repeated over and over again in countless scenarios for a lifetime, you will also eventually feel very alone, isolated, and anxious. Being hyper-aware of the countless (self-imposed) ways in which you could fail at being a woman encourages you to take fewer risks, keep your true self better hidden, trust fewer people, and constantly guard yourself against the endless imminent threats of how you could be “doing it wrong.”

Not only does your habit of judging other women shrink your life down into an ongoing list of do’s and don’ts, but keeping company with that nasty little voice in your head 24/7 makes you, understandably, kind of paranoid and defensive.

It’s like how you always end up feeling really crappy about yourself after you spend time with that one friend who gossips about all your other friends. She might claim you’re exempt from her mean gossip, but you can’t help but wonder what she says about you when you’re not there. This endless, cluttered, negative ocean of fear and judgment clouds your mind and poisons your heart. It make you feel insecure, stressed, unhappy, anxious, paranoid, obsessive, and completely unable to let go and be present. With that as your baseline, it becomes near impossible to look at yourself, or your body, and say “Yup, this is perfect.”

The remedy?

Walk (no, RUN!) away from the negative influences in your life. It's easy to say that we may be able to "help them be more positive" if we keep hold of our own positive outlook and views on things. And it probably is possible, in small doses. The reality though is that most chronically negative people pretty much enjoy right where they are. Walk away from these and surround yourself with folks who "get" you. It doesn't mean they agree with your every thought. They may not get behind all of your big ideas, and they may even find it necessary to tell you why at times. The difference is they do it all in love. There is no question that they have YOU and YOUR best interests at heart with every word, every action.

Those people are harder to find than the negative ones, but they're out there. Find them, surround yourself with them, and love them right back. 

Two positives ALWAYS create a positive! 

Transplanted. Again.

Just when this Transplanted Gal feels like Life has become somewhat predictable (I use that term lightly because of our crazy, busy lives), I revel in the way that God moves and redirects. Usually when I least expect it.

New things ahead. There is an END which will be difficult to say good-bye to, but an equally exciting NEW BEGINNING that has me bursting with excitement!

I can’t wait to say HELLO.

XXOO,

Staci

Standing on the Edge: Balance or Pure Crazy

I’ve blogged on and off for years now. For a while there, it was a part of my daily routine. Then I started teaching and found I’d “used up” most of my words by the time I walked back in the house at the end of a long day in the classroom. I found leaving brief statuses on Facebook much more convenient.

But every once in a while the words just start bottling up inside of me until I have to let them escape. This week is one of those times. SO much going on. Looking back on older blog entries, I’ve mentioned “balance” a lot.

I suck at balance.

Or maybe I’m good at it, but I just hate the balancing process and the stress it can bring.

I think this is because I have the chronic problem of trying to balance too many things at once.  Which, now that I think about it, becomes a much larger (and much more delicate) balance between me and The Edge.  Lately, I feel a bit like I’m staring over said Edge…I’m basically holding on by some fabulous heels, er, make that boots.  {But really, really fabulous ones!}

As teachers, we have So.  Much. To.  Balance.  (Secretly, I think we’d all be really good at juggling plates or flaming batons…comes with the territory.)  We have to balance what we’ve learned in our latest professional development with what we think (and know) works for our friends.  We have to balance what we are passionate about with what is mandated.  We have to balance bathroom breaks with learning time.  We have to balance our desire to stop and look at a topic deeply and the constant  drive from The Powers That Be to move on, move on, cover everything, don’t stop, don’t pass go and (for the love of God) DON’T collect $200, are you crazy?  Teachers are overpaid and get summers off!

Add to the end of the year craziness the fact that we decided for me to take a break from the English classroom and try something completely different in order to be closer to home and responsibilities, the fact that The Hitchin' Post has eight weddings under it's belt since opening in February, and the fact that our family has just been dealt a mean double whammy to the jaw leaves us kind of...off.

The truth is I probably function better when I have a lot going on.  When my plate gets too empty, suddenly I find myself in front of the TV watching hours and hours of  what my husband refers to as “meaningless TV” and wondering where my afternoon went.  Again, though, it’s all about balance.  How much can I pile on so that I stay productive and don’t tip the scales over to Crazed Whirlwind of Activity Yet Actually Finish Nothing Town.  That place blows.

I look around and know I’m not alone.  I heart me some teachers.  I watch many of my fellow teachers struggle with balance as well (which is what leads me to think it’s one of our occupational hazards).  Trying to balance new, purposeful strategies for teaching with what they feel comfortable doing in their classrooms.  Trying to balance new ideas that they are excited about with how much change they realistically think they can handle.

This time of year I feel two things in the classroom. Two things that would seem to be contradictory to one another. First, I feel tired. I could elaborate, but why? Just tired. That’s it. Second, I feel inspired. I’m spending too much time on Pinterest looking for new bulletin board ideas for next school year, and I’m trolling TPT for innovative lesson plans. So, in the midst of the tiredness that comes with this time of the school year, I’m planning for the next.

I guess that is balance, huh?

For today, at least, The Edge doesn’t look scary.

It looks kind of exciting.

God, help me to be a Truvy-kind of friend.

When thinking how to begin this first blog for Sunshine & Sweet Tea, I knew I wanted it to encompass the theme of friendship, and of girls empowering one another, but everything I wrote came out sounding too much like a canned magazine article. And that is not what I wanted.

Not. at. all.

I want conversation.

Real. Raw. Gritty. Right where we live. Words that reveal how we really feel so that we can bypass all the drama that we are all so very weary of dealing with.

I mean, riiiight? Can I get an amen?

Drama free friendships sound like #goals, huh?

I began to think of all of the "friendship" movies my bestie and I watched together years and years ago. Beaches. Thelma & Louise. Fried Green Tomatoes. Anything by Nicholas Sparks. We'd stay up late into the night, with a box of Kleenex tucked into the sofa between us. You could pretty much judge the power of the movie by how many boxes of Kleenex we powered through.

But one movie stands out more prominently than all the rest. Steel Magnolias.

A truly Southern story…a little bit of love, a little bit of sweet, and a whole lot of sassy.

The story of six women - M'Lynn, her daughter Shelby, Truvy, Arnelle, Clairee, and Ouiser - and the strong bonds of friendship they forged. A friendship that transcended age and class and stood strong through thick and thin, good times and bad times, Arnelle's changing hairstyles and hair color, Shelby's failing health, and Ouiser's wicked one-liners.

The movie revolves around Truvy's Beauty Shop - amid nail polish and hair dye - in a small rural Louisiana town as the women work through the joys and sorrows of their lives. The real theme, however, is friendship and how the relationships we build - in our neighborhoods, at work, at church, school, or even at beauty salons - are what sustain us through life's highs and lows.

Here are five things I took away from the friendships in Steel Magnolias:

1. Friendships are best maintained when you have regularly scheduled meetings at a regularly appointed place. In Steel Magnolias, Truvy’s Beauty Shop fits the bill for this. The six friends continually meet there to not only beautify themselves but to talk about what’s going on in their lives and ’round town. Now, I don't have friendships quite like this. If you do, I'd called you blessed, my friend. My life, and the lives of those I call my tribe, are busy. There is not set time, or schedule, when we see each other. But...when we DO...it's like no time has passed at all. We pick up right where we left off. 

2. Friends show up. Whether for celebrations or funerals, good friends show up to double your joy and halve your sorrow. And in the transition from one part of life to the next, they wait with you. The key term here is "show up." This means you are there, and they can be here...as quick as a phone call, as simple as a text message. Friends don't let friends hurt alone. 

3. Friends will tell you the truth–even if it’s harsh. And they will save you from making a fool of yourself even if it embarrasses you. When Clairee starts a gig as the radio color announcer for the local football team, she takes the job title literally by chattering on about the color of the team’s new uniforms rather than simply filling in information about team analysis. Ouiser sets her straight by telling her–in the middle of the locker room full of football players–she’s making a big fool of herself because all anyone wants to hear about are touchdowns and injuries. Ouiser’s delivery method was characteristically harsh, but at the heart was Clairee’s best interest. Dear goodness. While my friends may not be this brash, sometimes it's just a look on their face, or a hesitance in their answer, and you just know.....

4. Friends give you a safe place to fall apart (but they also know how to use humor to help put you back together). When M’Lynn breaks down after Shelby’s funeral, nobody tries to talk her into feeling better. They just stand with her and listen. As in all the hard times of life they share, the friends don’t overlook the hard but patiently do what they can to help each other laugh through it. 

 5. There’s no such thing as over-sharing. These women don’t waste time wondering if they should risk vulnerability or avoid “airing their dirty laundry.” They share the good, bad, and ugly because they know their friends are a safe place where they’re understood. They risk because they know the benefits of friendship far outweigh the worry that they are “bothering” someone.

WE are enough.

We take care of the things we love, not the things we hate.

I read this statement today and it really hit home with me. It doesn't really matter what subject we may be discussing: relationships, our home, personal possessions, or...our bodies. When we care about things, about people, and about <gulp> our own self...we take care them.

Often when people talk about body image and acceptance, they misunderstand; they think accepting your body means resigning and giving up. They think if they accept their body, they won’t have any motivation to exercise or eat well. 

Acceptance does not have to also mean resignation. Loving your body does not mean resigning and giving up or treating it like garbage (both physically and emotionally). Loving your body means that you will honor it, listen to it, take care of it.

It means that there will be days when you just aren't feeling it and you eat like crap. Then you will feel like crap and the next day you'll wake up and resolve to learn from the day before, not mourn over it. We are clothed in skin and therefore we are human; we will screw up, we will make mistakes, there will be days (and sometimes a series of them) when we ignore all we innately know and treat our bodies poorly. It's not those days that are so dangerous for us; it's how our mind handles those days that sets the tone for the outcome.

I used to think (back when eating and exercising were tied to my self image instead of my well-being) that if I dove face first into a mega bag of M&Ms that my healthy day was blown to smithereens and therefore I should just feel free to eat everything in sight and begin again with a new day. Now I now that simply isn't true. All I need to do is accept the fact that I ate too many M&Ms and then move on, making a better decision about what I have to eat for dinner. 

Our bodies are gifts from God. They house vital organs, grow beautiful babies, and furnish us with energy and vitality to live the best life possible. When I finally began to see my flawed body as my one and only vehicle through this life, I began to love it a little more. And the next day a little more than the day before. It became less and less about being "ideal" and "pretty" and more and more about being strong and capable. 

We are enough.

And we're worthy to receive our own care and - more importantly - acceptance.